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View Full Version : Unmarried couples in super inaka?



CUPS
July 1st, 2011, 01:30
I know that sometimes it's ok to live with your SO in Japan, and sometimes it's really NOT ok and it all depends on your BOE - from reading it seems to be that the couples in the cities tend to get away with/be allowed to do it, whereas those in the more traditional countryside aren't really able to, as it's frowned upon.

I wondered if any existing Jets had any positive stories/knew any Jet friends, who were able to live together in the inaka (without being married), after all?

Thanks :)

Jojo
July 1st, 2011, 07:15
tell them you are married. seriously everyone is going to assume you are, just save yourself the headache

WaIdroon
July 1st, 2011, 08:31
Building on Jojo's suggestion I'd say just tell everyone you are engaged, then you don't have to produce any documentation or a ring, really.

However, nobody here can really tell you if someone in your town is going to care if you bring your SO with you. I can say that I've never heard of it being a problem in of itself.

The only times I've heard of people being resented for their SO is when they make their personal problems the BOE's problems. Most commonly is moving to a new place unannounced, forcing the BOE to find them new accommodations big enough for two people, etc. Or if their SO is a raging alcoholic that causes huge amounts of trouble.

By and large it's not a problem and not something to worry about, especially before you arrive and find out what the deal is.

I'd spend your time thinking about just what exactly is your SO going to do for a year while you're on JET?

ten_of_spades
July 1st, 2011, 10:11
Also, the inaka is 80% full of young, city-raised single-mothers sent to live with their grandparents, so your neighbours probably won't come down with the vapours at the thought of living next to an unwed couple.

word
July 1st, 2011, 10:33
Building on Jojo's suggestion I'd say just tell everyone you are engaged, then you don't have to produce any documentation or a ring, really.

However, nobody here can really tell you if someone in your town is going to care if you bring your SO with you. I can say that I've never heard of it being a problem in of itself.

The only times I've heard of people being resented for their SO is when they make their personal problems the BOE's problems. Most commonly is moving to a new place unannounced, forcing the BOE to find them new accommodations big enough for two people, etc. Or if their SO is a raging alcoholic that causes huge amounts of trouble.

By and large it's not a problem and not something to worry about, especially before you arrive and find out what the deal is.

I'd spend your time thinking about just what exactly is your SO going to do for a year while you're on JET?word

Seriously, all of that.

MG and I weren't married when she came over, and it wasn't really much of an issue. Our house was too small and was technically for "single people only," but my BoE didn't care and we didn't cause trouble for 'em. We eventually found housing on our own with the help of an eikaiwa student/good J-friend. When I worried about how the town was gonna view our life of sin, my eikaiwa students LOLed and told me that they were very "relaxed" out in the inaka. Like ten said... plenty of single moms out here.

Wal's last point is a good one, too. I'd recommend looking for a job--any job--for your SO. Long days of no work/nothing to do in the inaka will be difficult to bear... far more than you think. Internet, TV, and housework will become incredibly tedious for him/her after a while, unless he/she is a shut-in or something.

Hikari
July 1st, 2011, 12:38
No singles mothers from the city out here, tho plenty of locals

The locals live in sin so i don't think people care

Besides, people here don't like foreigners and never talk to anyone including other Japanese so I don't think they'd care

Ask your pred tho, ESID

melty
July 1st, 2011, 20:36
I can think of at least 5 JETs that brought their SO with them (and two unmarried JET couples who lived together in Japan...then got married later)

Most of these were gals that wanted to bring their bloke along with them. It's not really a biggy. However I word/Wal...If the SO doesn't have a job, they might find it harder to settle in.

NB:Not all of the relationships mentioned above worked out.

mothy
July 1st, 2011, 20:38
Bringing your SO to sit around at home all day in the inaka with nothing to do is the same as putting a gun to your relationships head and pulling the trigger.

razz.ray
July 4th, 2011, 09:56
So... I know of 2 JETs from last year who were flat out told no when asked if SO could come. My partner and I have been common law for 4 years, so I tried the `we are married` route and was asked to send our marriage certificate for proof... so we went to JOP and got a marriage cert :) Another guy I know was engaged, and his fiancee was only allowed to come for 1 month. My situation is super inaka (1500 people... 30 minutes to a combini! inaka!!!) and his was city.

word
July 4th, 2011, 13:24
Much easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

patjs
July 5th, 2011, 07:35
So... I know of 2 JETs from last year who were flat out told no when asked if SO could come. My partner and I have been common law for 4 years, so I tried the `we are married` route and was asked to send our marriage certificate for proof... so we went to JOP and got a marriage cert :) Another guy I know was engaged, and his fiancee was only allowed to come for 1 month. My situation is super inaka (1500 people... 30 minutes to a combini! inaka!!!) and his was city.

In these situations they are worried about the visa or all the issues that might arise with having a spouse/SO come along. My successor will be coming with a fiance/soon to be wife and my BOE was fine with the concept of them living here together. They were just extremely worried about being responsible for the fiance or something and the fact you can't stay more than 3 months without a spouse visa. Once they figured out they don't have any responsibility for the non-JET it was no problem.

You also need to remember that if you aren't married your SO can only come on a tourist visa. He/she can't just come and stay the whole year with you.

Hintalove
July 5th, 2011, 08:27
You also need to remember that if you aren't married your SO can only come on a tourist visa. He/she can't just come and stay the whole year with you.

They will also bar you from the country if they catch you spending more than 6 months in a year in the country on tourist visas. It's only for a year, but it can happen if you're not careful.

Alphabet
July 6th, 2011, 11:36
Just do the common visit Korea switcharoo.

WaIdroon
July 6th, 2011, 13:17
You could always go this route: Make a fake marriage certificate (http://www.fake-documents.com/fake_marriage_certificate.htm)

I doubt they'll be calling to confirm any of the information.

Silhouette
July 7th, 2011, 20:39
depending where you're from, your SO could get a year working holiday visa which could make the visa situation a bit easier.

CUPS
July 15th, 2011, 23:22
:)