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Prospective
October 12th, 2011, 23:19
Tho, I'm like totally homo, girlfriends....

Okay, f*ck that. I can't keep up that much camp-ness for an entire post >_<

But anyway, I've read some previous posts on the topic of being gay and I get that JET doesn't really give a sh*t, but they don't want someone that's a poster child for neo-queer liberalist theory, either. There's mixed answers on the question of "should I tell them at the interview" with more advice leaning towards "no".

That's well and good, but I'm in a bit of a different situation. I'm in a long term (6 year) relationship. I'm essentially "married", though neither the Australian nor Japanese government would let me exchange vows at this stage (closest I get in Australia is a certificate registering my relationship). When I go on the JET programme my partner, fairly obviously, would like to come with me. Not as a JET himself, he'll probably apply for a Working Holiday Visa or end up studying (he's not got his BA yet). I know if I'm in the 田舎 there may be no work for him and no Universities nearby, in that case we'd need to sort something else out.

Anyway, because he's not eligible for a dependent visa and he's not applying to be a JET himself I was thinking that I'll probably go with "don't ask, don't tell". After I've been on JET for about a month he'll just fly over as a "friend" visiting and end up staying long-term. The only potential problem I see there is accommodation, but we're pretty happy if we end up sharing a shoebox. I figure it's the most headache free, "Japanese" way of going about things. I don't mind if I'm in the Inaka and people find out and eventually talk. But I'm secure enough in my relationship and sexuality that I don't really feel the need to be "out" or open about it. I already take the same approach with his grandma (she's 90 so he's never "come out" to her... she probably knows, but it's never said openly).

Now, I know from lurking there's a lot of gay JETs, but do you guys know many gay JETs that are living in a long-term relationship that started before they were in Japan? If so, what approach have they taken to handling their relationship within their respective communities?

HeartNana
October 13th, 2011, 08:31
I live in the inaka (somewhat), and i had a male friend staying with me for 3 months to hang out while he found a job in JP. Nobody from my schools, nor my BOE or anything ever knew. While we're both heterosexuals and he was just a friend who came to hang out in JP for a while, it was never an issue. Your biggest problem is gonna be how he's gonna stay long term on more than just a tourist visa.

word
October 13th, 2011, 10:04
You seem to have the right attitude about it. There is an element of "don't ask/don't tell" here, but it's really more complicated than that. There was a particularly awesome gay ALT in my area (quite inaka); he never had any issues here (although he didn't live with a boyfriend, either). There were people who knew he was gay, and others that didn't, and others that probably knew but just never talked about it. I seriously doubt anyone would give you sh*t about another guy living in your house. Heck, there are like thirteen people living in my neighbor's house (and it is not a large house). People might gossip about you, but, like HeartNana said, your only real problem will likely be working out the visa issues.

Prospective
October 13th, 2011, 10:22
I'm not too worried about visas.

As an Australian he could get a Working Holiday Visa (6 months validity, up to 2 extensions) so that covers him for 18 months. Beyond that if I choose to extend he could either study or look into a Cultural Visa.

I lived in Japan for 18 months myself on a Working Holiday Visa and I met a lot of people in the Eikaiwa scene who knew ways around Visa problems, so I know there's a few tricks you can use, too (Tourist Visa with South Korea runs, etc).

Anyway, always good to hear your comments.

Froren
October 13th, 2011, 16:08
Everyone will gossip about everything, it's inevitable, but no one will ever confront you about it. You seem to not care about any of that so you'll be perfectly fine.

Prospective
October 13th, 2011, 16:47
Only thing I'd care about is potential problems with re-contracting or being scolded for having someone live with me long-term.

Anything else I can handle.

Jojo
October 13th, 2011, 19:23
Open secrets are a pretty big way of dealing with things in Japan. Don't ask - just do. As long as everyone at work thinks your great and the kids love you guys will be fine.

greengoo
October 13th, 2011, 19:57
You can be as gay as you want. Some of my friends that came are totally out ouT OUT! and others are quieter about it. My orientation (boom pun!) had an entire seminar for LGBTA peeps.

TLDR: It's ok to be gay on JET.

dialogue
October 14th, 2011, 09:46
Folks in my area are pretty laid back; I do not think they would care if I was gay. But be prepared for every single kid to ask you if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend/etc. Every kid will ask this. Even 11 year olds. It makes no sense to give a fck at eleven, but they do.

About the interview, I don`t see why sexuality should be brought up or mentioned at all. Not their business, and you are trying to sell yourself as an employee.

Good luck.

Prospective
October 14th, 2011, 11:22
Yeah, if I was a single gay guy it'd be totally irrelevant and I wouldn't even consider mentioning it. It's just the whole accommodation thing- having someone stay with me for the majority of my time on JET without having told them I'd have someone stay with me.

I guess the advantage of being gay is that people probably WON'T gossip as much about me, as a guy, having another guy move in with me. Whereas if it was a female moving in with me there'd probably be a lot more raised eyebrows.

Also, the only other reason I considered maybe telling during the interview, is so I could get a placement with larger accommodation. I know JET tries to be accommodating of people who have fiances and things, but on the balance it's just easier to pretend I'm single, I think.

word
October 14th, 2011, 12:05
As dialogue was saying, be prepared for people to ask you if you're single. Also, be prepared for people to try to set you up with a girl. Even if they know you're gay. Even if they know you're gay and in a long-term relationship with your SO.

miss_doitsu
October 14th, 2011, 21:03
Aren't we supposed to be cutting down on the swearing round here?

I knew a few gay JETs, most did the don't ask/don't tell thing. One girl was fairly inaka and insisted that her town was far too conservative to accept her even if she didn't hide it all the time as she did. I'm sure that they wouldn't have been nasty or rude if she had come out to them though. When I mentioned to my JTE that my flatmate here in Germany is gay, she was worried that she might fall in love with me. That was funny.

Twala
October 22nd, 2011, 12:39
-Request retracted-

Eudox
October 22nd, 2011, 12:56
Quit trolling.

Twala
October 22nd, 2011, 13:11
-Retracted-

Nak
October 22nd, 2011, 16:28
Wait....Twala got in this year?

Twala
October 22nd, 2011, 19:12
Yes.

As I said, I'm sorry for thread bombing. As no one has responded to my request for advice, I will humbly delete the post instead of continuing to derail Prospective's thread.

I'll revise my request in the hopes that it will be taken seriously and start my own thread. If it gets shot down, that's regrettable, but fine all the same. Better for a subject to be mocked on its own merit than to drag someone else's thread down.

My apologies.

Ode to a Grasshopper
October 28th, 2011, 17:51
We've got a few GLBT people here in Osaka, and besides a M to F transgender friend being constantly asked 'Are you a man?' it doesn't seem to be a problem. As has been said it shouldn't be a hassle aside from the housing and Visa situation.
As dialogue was saying, be prepared for people to ask you if you're single. Also, be prepared for people to try to set you up with a girl. Even if they know you're gay. Even if they know you're gay and in a long-term relationship with your SO.Yeah, one of the sensei at one of my shogakko wants to set me up with his daughter. While I'm not opposed to having a Japanese - or non-Japanese - girlfriend, I'm quite contentedly single and am not sure about dating the relative of a coworker - it seems like it has the potential to make things difficult if it doesn't work out.

AliDimayev
November 4th, 2011, 21:52
The last thing anyone wants to hear if someone who keeps self-referencing, whether you are applying for JET or anything else.

"As a gay man, I think that..."
"Well, as a gay man,...."
"When I came out,....."
"As a Chechen....."
"Well, as a Muslim,....."
"Well I am Muslim, so....."

Just don't reveal anything like that.

Ini
November 5th, 2011, 13:47
shouldnt be a problem, but just remember the JET health insurance doesn't cover antiretroviral drugs

Pani Lisi
November 15th, 2011, 04:15
As a woman and a friend of the "family" I'm glad that JET seems to be pretty inclusive. I have been reading the boards for awhile and had a Kathy Griffin moment wondering where the gays where at. :^_^:

uthinkimlost?
November 15th, 2011, 07:32
As a woman and a friend of the "family" I'm glad that JET seems to be pretty inclusive. I have been reading the boards for awhile and had a Kathy Griffin moment wondering where the gays where at. :^_^:

Not all of them wear the decoder ring. Some you won't even know until they tell you!

uthinkimlost?
November 15th, 2011, 10:09
As the proud owner of a finely tuned gaydar, I find this difficult to believe.

Mine's on the fritz. I think the Golden Girls were just roommates.

hunterofpeace
November 15th, 2011, 11:06
Mine's busted too... and I had such high hopes for a happy life with Zachary Quinto. Sigh...

Merkypie
November 15th, 2011, 11:09
Mine's busted too... and I had such high hopes for a happy life with Zachary Quinto. Sigh...

I'm surprised people are shocked with that one. That walk alone was enough to set off my gaydar.

hunterofpeace
November 15th, 2011, 11:14
I guess it was really just denial. He's such a beautiful man. I can't even fantasize about him anymore because in the back of my mind I know he's not enjoying it.

Merkypie
November 15th, 2011, 12:22
I guess it was really just denial. He's such a beautiful man. I can't even fantasize about him anymore because in the back of my mind I know he's not enjoying it.

As long as he's acting he's enjoying it and that's all that counts!

hunterofpeace
November 15th, 2011, 12:37
That's just sad.

Merkypie
November 15th, 2011, 13:14
That's just sad.

Oh cheer up!

http://i55.tinypic.com/xkrgib.jpg

When down just imagine that it's you being embraced by ZQ :D

uthinkimlost?
November 15th, 2011, 15:28
Oh cheer up!

http://i55.tinypic.com/xkrgib.jpg

When down just imagine that it's you being embraced by ZQ :D

Before or after brain removal?

hunterofpeace
November 15th, 2011, 16:24
Before or after brain removal?

Before brain removal but after he punches Kirk in the face.

Merkypie
November 15th, 2011, 20:24
Under the influence of a freak immortal Roman space culture could work too.

hunterofpeace
November 15th, 2011, 20:36
Better than being brainwashed by the Company.

I feel like I'm engaging in Heroes/ Star Trek code switching...

Merkypie
November 15th, 2011, 20:38
Anything's better than having to deal with that dumbass cheerleader every day.


Conversations about ZQ does that. Oh how he's forever typecasted.

BasilG
November 17th, 2011, 12:24
Second year ALT here, I was in a serious relationship before I arrived, and it was long distance as she was still at university. We recently broke up, but I dealt with the whole 'double life' thing while being here. It is definitely better to keep your private life private, just like the people you work with will.
Probably, your BOE won't know if the person stays with you for an extended period of time, there's no need to tell them, really. Depending on the circumstances. If it is a problem, you can deal with it when the time comes.
Anyway, when my partner came over to visit, and I introduced her to my neighbours and eikaiwa class just as a friend, and they didn't ask any questions or say anything. She even visited my school once. It doesn't even cross most Japanese people's minds that you could be anything other than friends.
Also, Stonewall AJET is becoming active again and being rebuilt, so that's good for any questions/worries and whatever. You can check them out on facebook. And, there will be a support network when you come to Japan as an LGBT JET.

flojo
December 14th, 2011, 10:51
There are a couple of JET couples living together that I know of.

HeartNana
December 20th, 2011, 11:10
It is definitely better to keep your private life private, just like the people you work with will.
Probably, your BOE won't know if the person stays with you for an extended period of time, there's no need to tell them, really. Depending on the circumstances. If it is a problem, you can deal with it when the time comes.
Anyway, when my partner came over to visit, and I introduced her to my neighbours and eikaiwa class just as a friend, and they didn't ask any questions or say anything. She even visited my school once. It doesn't even cross most Japanese people's minds that you could be anything other than friends.
TRUTH on this post.
A different ALT here had a friend stay with him for 3 months. He told the BOE later or something and they got mad at him cause hes not supposed to have someone else here that long.
I also had a friend stay with me, but I just never told the BOE, and they never knew. I could have had someone stay with me this whole time, and theres no way for the BOE to know, as they never come over to my apartment anyways.
The motto here is "Don't tell the BOE things that you don't need to tell them"

word
December 20th, 2011, 14:21
The motto here is "Don't tell the BOE things that you don't need to tell them"A good motto; I employ a similar ideal with virtually everyone I interact with.

therealwindycity
February 18th, 2012, 13:36
A good motto; I employ a similar ideal with virtually everyone I interact with.

Very true. I know a couple people who had significant other come from home to stay with them for quite a while, and it was never a problem.

Also, depending on how inaka you are, there's a pretty good chance that your neighbors will be a lot of elderly people who are slightly crazy/oblivious/much more worried about you being noisy than about your sex life.

wicket
February 18th, 2012, 15:14
I'm not too worried about visas.


You have a great attitude and I don't think your colleagues will care as long as you don't go on about it or tongue-kiss in public [and that goes for ALL relationships, not just the "love-that-dare-not-speak-its-name" kind, anyway].

I'm pissed off on your behalf though. I'm married [and straight] and therefore my husband got to stay in Japan for the duration of my contract without ever having to worry about renewing visas or any of that shit. We had been together for 6 years when we went [which is why the comparison is even more odious].

I didn't go into my interview talking about being straight. Sure, I talked about "my husband" [they asked] but you can just keep it to "my partner". If they want to assume you're straight, that's their mistake.

AVN
February 18th, 2012, 16:07
Can I just say the not telling your BOE thing could majorly backfire if you're in a small enough town. There is no way someone could stay at my place without everyone in the town knowing in a day. I also live in Teacher Housing so they would have every right to ask the person to leave or both of us to find our own housing.

I lived with my friend for over 2 months when she was a JET but she okayed it with her schools and such first. Within a week I was known as her "wife" in town and everyone knew me even if I didn't know them and this was in a town of nearly 20 000 people...

Prospective
February 18th, 2012, 16:20
My partner didn't come up in my interview, probably because I didn't list him on the application form and I didn't go out of my way to mention him, either.

He's about to start a full-time intensive Japanese course at RMIT which is meant to last until about November. Still not sure if he'll leave that early to come to Japan earlier or see that through. Either way he'll come over on a Working Holiday Visa and we'll see how it all goes from there.

It is annoying that there's still not real equality in Australia OR Japan, but at the same time I don't think the situation in Japan is really a matter of sexuality. Japanese people, in my experience are never homophobic per se, it's more a matter of not breaking the social mould. So someone that choose to not have kids or to stay single might be seen as just as weird as a gay couple.

And like I said earlier in the topic, I already need to play the "just friends" card around my partner's 90 year old grandma. We've been together long enough that we don't really "come out" to anyone any more like it's some big deal. Just like a straight couple doesn't mention they are in a relationship every time they meet a new person on the street. I'll just introduce my partner by his name, what people want to assume beyond that is on them.

EDIT: @AV just missed your reply. I know I risk it backfiring but it probably will backfire less if I have a same sex "friend" stay with me. I assume my town or village will know I've had someone move in with me, but even if they do tell us we're not allowed to stay in the teacher housing that's okay, I'm happy to move out if there are strict rules on extra room-mates.

AVN
February 18th, 2012, 16:44
My partner didn't come up in my interview, probably because I didn't list him on the application form and I didn't go out of my way to mention him, either.

He's about to start a full-time intensive Japanese course at RMIT which is meant to last until about November. Still not sure if he'll leave that early to come to Japan earlier or see that through. Either way he'll come over on a Working Holiday Visa and we'll see how it all goes from there.

It is annoying that there's still not real equality in Australia OR Japan, but at the same time I don't think the situation in Japan is really a matter of sexuality. Japanese people, in my experience are never homophobic per se, it's more a matter of not breaking the social mould. So someone that choose to not have kids or to stay single might be seen as just as weird as a gay couple.

And like I said earlier in the topic, I already need to play the "just friends" card around my partner's 90 year old grandma. We've been together long enough that we don't really "come out" to anyone any more like it's some big deal. Just like a straight couple doesn't mention they are in a relationship every time they meet a new person on the street. I'll just introduce my partner by his name, what people want to assume beyond that is on them.

EDIT: @AV just missed your reply. I know I risk it backfiring but it probably will backfire less if I have a same sex "friend" stay with me. I assume my town or village will know I've had someone move in with me, but even if they do tell us we're not allowed to stay in the teacher housing that's okay, I'm happy to move out if there are strict rules on extra room-mates.

Oh I didn't mean not telling them about the status of your relationship I meant not telling them he's living with you period.
Yeah no your relationship is your private business but him living there, if it's teacher housing, is their business.

Prospective
February 19th, 2012, 14:10
I guess I'll wait to see the exact situation I end up in and what kind of rules/ contract I have for my accommodation.

The only concern I have about telling them up front is what to do if they say "no". "No" is not an option. I want my partner living with me. I'd rather have him move in, even if it annoys people, than have them say "no" before he moves in.

wicket
February 19th, 2012, 14:27
If you wanted him there, you should have said so on your application.
JET is equal-opportunity and can't discriminate on the basis of sexuality. They would just place you somewhere where they thought your queerness wouldn't be as much of a deal as it might be in BFI.

Merkypie
February 19th, 2012, 15:50
I'm obviously not a JET so I maybe talking out my ass, but considering that the CO pretty much manages your arrangements, it doesn't make sense to hide information that may potentially screw you over in the end or worst.

If it is imperative that you live with your partner in Japan, you probably will need to find your own place. Though, for a foreigner, that is pretty hard to do from what I hear. Unless it's a place like LeoPalace. But, by living on your own, you're living by your own terms and not by the terms of the CO. Either way, you're sort of taking a huge gamble.

I heard there's COs that don't even allow JETs to live with other people... IDK, man...

wicket
February 19th, 2012, 16:05
All I know is that the first time I did JET, the boyfriend I'd left behind in Australia [we were going attempt the LDR thing] decided to 'surprise' me by coming over to live with me. With two days notice. My [BFI] school was NOT HAPPY JAN.
It took me months to repair the damage and they didn't really forgive me until he and I got engaged [guess that convinced them we were properly committed].
In any case it made my life hard; and contributed to me breaking the engagement not long after I got back to Australia.

Prospective
February 19th, 2012, 16:18
Nonetheless the impression I got, both here, talking to friends and when I was in Japan myself that often it's easier to apologise than it is to ask permission.

I requested an urban placement to try and help my own situation. But as much JET may want to be equal opportunity, I simply think that there would be less placements interested in taking a same sex couple, I don't want to sabotage myself in any way. It doesn't really concern JET at this stage, anyway. Once I get my placement (assuming I'm even accepted) I'll look at the terms of my contract and living arrangement and see what options are available. Once I'm settled in Japan I'm sure I can work something out, even if it's not "easy".

It didn't come up in the application itself because I'm not married, not engaged and my partner wouldn't class as a dependent. There was no option for saying I have a de facto partner. It didn't come up in the interview, partially because I just didn't think of it- I was busy trying to sell myself on my merits and because I listed myself as "single" on my application form, which technically I am...

I know that people coming to live, even friends can cause problems. But I'd rather deal with a headache in 6 months than not get in at all. And other people have said they've had friends live with them for long periods with no problems at all so I guess ESID and all that. A lot of people that have had problems with people staying with them, like yourself wicket, had opposite sex people coming to stay with them in conservative small towns where the subtext is obvious. Two guys living together likely won't register as a "relationship" to anyone in the town, so while there might still be problems with having ANYONE stay with me, at least there isn't the "living in sin" bit.

I dunno, I'm still torn either way, but I don't want to make a big deal out of it, because it's not really. I'm sure even the tiniest village could handle a second gaijin, right? If I was able to legally marry my partner and he could come to Japan on a dependent visa I'd have told JET, but at this stage I think telling would do more harm than good... I think...

wicket
February 19th, 2012, 16:55
i think the wait and see policy is a good one.
my second placement was in osaka prefecture and my landlady couldn't have been more accommodating when i wanted friends and family to stay with us. she even let our friends use her guest room for a cheap rate [and in some cases for free].
ESIID [the extra I is for 'indeed'].

AVN
February 19th, 2012, 21:49
I still don't understand why everyone stands by the "it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" sure in certain situations but seriously bringing another person into your house, mainly if it is housing provided by the BOE/school, without permission sounds like a good way to get fired, or at least not get re-contracted. It doesn't matter their relationship.

Ruining your working relationship is a huge risk in my opinion. Not to mention the fact that just because they don't show their anger/disappointment outright doesn't mean it's not their. You may have just ruined your successor's life by doing something like that. I know for a fact my pred used to have HUGE gatherings at her house and never asked permission or talked to the BOE about this but everyone knew and no one is happy and I had to deal with the backlash not her. They never told her.

Chances are if you tell them you have someone coming, unless your bills etc are subsidised, they will say sure so why would you risk so much when they would probably say yes?

Eudox
February 19th, 2012, 21:55
I still don't understand why everyone stands by the "it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" sure in certain situations but seriously bringing another person into your house, mainly if it is housing provided by the BOE/school, without permission sounds like a good way to get fired, or at least not get re-contracted. It doesn't matter their relationship.

Ruining your working relationship is a huge risk in my opinion. Not to mention the fact that just because they don't show their anger/disappointment outright doesn't mean it's not their.

I'm reallllly hoping you wrote a different sentence, deleted half of it and accidentally left that their.

In all honesty, I couldn't give a sh*t about the situation I leave my successor in. That being said, I'm generally not a prick when it comes to my neighbours/apartment/etc....

Lianwen
February 20th, 2012, 09:07
Info.

If/when accepted, your pred/CO/both will contact you. If you`re upfront and honest about coming over with a partner and your partner will be paying for their own ticket/things like hotel during TOA/and will be completely independent from you and that there`s no expectations for your partner to be provided for by the CO (things like getting him a cellphone, arranging for Gaijin card, and more) but that you`d like to be able to live with your partner (even if you have to pay more key money or something to smooth things over), I think that might be best rather than waiting to see what you`re housing contract is like.

They really can`t reject you after being accepted, so if you`re upfront and tell them, the CO can start making arrangements and so on or if they flat out tell you no (that you can`t live together), then you can start looking right away for different housing. It will be really, really difficult if you go there, live together in teachers/CO housing (assuming that`s the situation) and then try to move after a month or two if your CO doesn`t approve.

When I was given the keys to my CO apartment, my lease is for the year that my JET contract is for, and I`m not allowed to have anyone else living in my apartment, and any visitors staying overnight have to be introduced to my landlord and can`t stay in my apartment for more than a few days (I don`t recall how many, but there`s a limit). I signed a paper agreeing to this.

//rambling. It`s Monday. Bah.

Prospective
February 20th, 2012, 10:46
Ramble or not, I liked what you said, Lianwen.

I think the best idea is actually to wait until my pred contacts me and speak to THEM about the specific situation I'm going to be put in. And then based on their advice talk to my CO.

Stuff like Tokyo Orientation wouldn't be a problem because my partner probably won't be coming for at least a couple of weeks, to give me time to settle in and prepare. It's basically going to come down to my exact accommodation situation and I'm sure my pred and then CO will be able to help me there.

kamukamuume
February 20th, 2012, 11:38
Here's my take: things happen. How are they to know you didn't meet your partner after your interview and before August? I've heard plenty of stories like that, and if that were the case, there wouldn't be any deception involved at all.

In my experience, your living arrangement is your right--for example, if you met someone in Japan and wanted to live with them, you could probably work something out--so if you really want to bring him to Japan, something can be arranged.

therealwindycity
February 20th, 2012, 13:53
When I was given the keys to my CO apartment, my lease is for the year that my JET contract is for, and I`m not allowed to have anyone else living in my apartment, and any visitors staying overnight have to be introduced to my landlord and can`t stay in my apartment for more than a few days (I don`t recall how many, but there`s a limit). I signed a paper agreeing to this.

//rambling. It`s Monday. Bah.

Wow, your CO sounds pretty intense - also the no furikomi thing, right?

I agree with kamukamuume - if the BOE isn't subsidizing your housing, then I don't think that they can really reasonably forbid you to live with someone. Kind of like the BOEs that try to keep their JETs from driving except to and from work - yes, they might try, but that doesn't mean that you have to let them get away with it. From what I remember of orientation, the idea of significant others came up and the advice was not "It might break contract" but rather "the BOE might just not like it."

Lianwen
February 20th, 2012, 15:34
Wow, your CO sounds pretty intense - also the no furikomi thing, right?

I agree with kamukamuume - if the BOE isn't subsidizing your housing, then I don't think that they can really reasonably forbid you to live with someone. Kind of like the BOEs that try to keep their JETs from driving except to and from work - yes, they might try, but that doesn't mean that you have to let them get away with it. From what I remember of orientation, the idea of significant others came up and the advice was not "It might break contract" but rather "the BOE might just not like it."

Yeah. No furikomi`ing for me. Although I haven`t tested it yet. I`m actually scared to try. I`m sure it`s only best intentions, but it`s freaking annoying.

Also. Speaking of driving, my contract actually says I`m not allowed to drive to work. Dif. read the contract you are given and ask for clarification on any confusing bits and bobs. I think they`re so strict with housing for me because it is CO owned.

AVN
February 23rd, 2012, 18:30
I'm reallllly hoping you wrote a different sentence, deleted half of it and accidentally left that their.

In all honesty, I couldn't give a sh*t about the situation I leave my successor in. That being said, I'm generally not a prick when it comes to my neighbours/apartment/etc....

I was actually on my phone, careless iphone-ing.

I guess to each his own because I care, having been the successor left with a shitty situation. Also two of my friends were left with craptastic situations so I guess I have sympathy for my future successor.

Eudox
February 24th, 2012, 09:00
I guess to each his own because I care, having been the successor left with a shitty situation. Also two of my friends were left with craptastic situations so I guess I have sympathy for my future successor.

Like I said, I'm not a prick about that kind of stuff, I'm just not actively thinking about what would make like easier for some person I've never met at some unknown time in the future.

AVN
February 24th, 2012, 19:53
Like I said, I'm not a prick about that kind of stuff, I'm just not actively thinking about what would make like easier for some person I've never met at some unknown time in the future.

I see what you mean this time :)

Prospective
April 19th, 2012, 04:43
So, I've been shortlisted and realised I really need to make a call about this either way.

So I've decided the best way to proceed is to include information about my partner on my reply form and to let the Melbourne co-ordinator know my situation.

I'm basically going to be saying my partner may come live with me in Japan, but not immediately, I don't need JET's help with Visas, employment or anything like that, but I would like a placement that allows people to stay with me long-term and doesn't have a prohibitive housing arrangement. I'm also going to tell the co-ordinator about my partner being same-sex, but mention that I understand in Japan private lives are often kept private and that I don't need to make a big deal out of it, I just want to ensure my accommodation is flexible enough to have him stay with me.

I think that now, after being shortlisted but before getting an actual placement is a good time to let JET know so they are able to find an appropriate placement for me. I don't want my partner to be a big deal with my schools or CO- hopefully I can keep the relationship on the down-low, but I do want to make sure my accommodation is flexible enough to have my partner come stay.

Gizmotech
April 19th, 2012, 06:28
Was this not on the original application form? Think about this for a second....

miss_doitsu
April 19th, 2012, 06:36
I really think you should say nothing and just do things without telling people. Your life is your life and you don't need to fanfare and announce all your intentions.

If you do as you've planned, you'll probably ruin it for yourself before you even get there.

Prospective
April 19th, 2012, 06:47
Didn't mention it on the original application form because there was no option to. The only related questions were "are you single, engaged or married?" (of those options: "single") and "will you bring a dependent?" (no, I won't... my partner isn't a dependent).

I didn't mention it in the interview, largely because it didn't come up and to be honest I was more focused on selling myself. I didn't want to distract from my chances of acceptance by focusing on my partner, something that's a relatively small issue.

I originally wasn't sure whether or not I should mention it now or wait until I'm over there or not at all. But one factor was that my partner actually met the JET co-ordinator on Monday and was talking to her about me. He's doing a Japanese course and ended up at the consulate and spoke to her before he realised that I hadn't included information about him in my application. So I thought it best to be up front with her and let her know the situation. As it is he's likely going to stay until the end of the year to finish up his course so if he were to come it'd probably be in Nov/ Dec.

The other reason I decided to mention it now was the stories earlier in the thread people mentioned about not being allowed visitors to stay in their homes. I don't want to be put into a situation where he comes to stay and I get in big trouble because of the visitor rule and end up not being offered to recontract or something similar. Nor do I want to develop a bad rapport with my CO/ schools.

I don't know if I'll be shooting myself in the foot- I know some people that are shortlisted end up not being placed- I'll be gutted if that ends up being me. But I thought that being on the shortlist, before placement, is probably the best stage to deal with this rather than leaving it until later.

PpJt
April 19th, 2012, 06:48
I really think you should say nothing and just do things without telling people. Your life is your life and you don't need to fanfare and announce all your intentions.

If you do as you've planned, you'll probably ruin it for yourself before you even get there.

+1

If they say 'Why didn't you say?' Just plead stupid and say 'I didn't know I should have.' What you are doing now is potentially sabotaging yourself.

Prospective
April 19th, 2012, 07:32
This topic has been ALL the mixed messages and contradictory advice... :confused:

I guess the main thing is: on my reply form there's two questions that are relevant to my situation "will you be accompanied by a partner/ spouse" and "will they come immediately/ later". The reply form mentions that it's used for the purpose of organising housing which is why I thought my partner is relevant now. Nothing on the original application was relevant to my situation.

Talking to the consulate may not really help since they only process this kind of thing, but since the co-ordinator already knows about my partner I figured I might as well ask her how best to fill in the reply form. I was under the impression that if my details/ situation changed from my original application the consulate was my first point of contact?

Jiggit
April 19th, 2012, 09:18
This topic has been ALL the mixed messages and contradictory advice... :confused:


Because nobody on this board has been in your situation before (it would seem) and even if they had, ESID. No, it really is.

So all you're getting is guesses and conjecture from people who know a little more about Japan than you.

Really no-one knows what will happen or what the best course of action is. It's tough, but you have to decide for yourself this time.

Edit: reading your stuff again, my conjecture is that you should just treat your partner like a regular partner that isn't married to you. Say they'll be coming in the future and then even if they don't it doesn't bother anyone. Don't hide anything, but if they don't give any opportunity for you to let them know without going out of your way to do so then don't sweat it.

Prospective
April 19th, 2012, 09:20
Yeah, I'm probably sounding more panicky on the forums but the email I sent ended up basically being "you met my partner so you know my situation, here's a little more info, how should I fill in the form and do you have other advice?"

My co-ordinator called me back already and basically thought that since my partner isn't coming over immediately it's probably easiest to worry about it later. She seemed to think that even if I end up in prohibitive housing that I should be able to find some way around it, but that it'd be easier once over there and settled in rather than causing a big storm prior to arrival. She left the final decision about the reply form up to me, but said that saying my non-spouse partner will be coming "later" on the form won't really change anything in terms of my placement or accommodation. So that was a relief, I think I got far more stressed than I needed to over this.

I just got a bit scared about having a situation like AVNicholls or Lianwen and went into panic-mode. But if I end up in teacher housing I'll find some way of sorting through it without having to Gaijin Smash, I'm sure. I'm willing to be flexible and diplomatic so I'm sure there'll be some solution when and if it matters.

Massive yokattaness!

word
April 19th, 2012, 09:23
The motto here is "Don't tell the BOE things that you don't need to tell them"A good motto; I employ a similar ideal with virtually everyone I interact with.I still think this.


I really think you should say nothing and just do things without telling people. Your life is your life and you don't need to fanfare and announce all your intentions. WORD.


This topic has been ALL the mixed messages and contradictory advice... :confused:Has it?

I think you should wait until you get your placement info. You might get put out in the inaka and have a giant house like two of my block-mates.

Even if you don't, though, you have control over your housing. You can decide where you wanna live. I was in a fantastic little apartment when I arrived, but it was too small for both MG and I, so we searched for a couple of months and eventually found the gigantic castle of a house in which we are currently living. Cost a little more, but it's cheap by US standards (under 3man a month).

I'm not saying it's gonna be a breeze or anything, but you can find housing. It can be done.

therealwindycity
April 19th, 2012, 09:31
Edit: sniped while taking forever to type a post on my phone

therealwindycity
April 19th, 2012, 09:36
I just got a bit scared about having a situation like AVNicholls or Lianwen and went into panic-mode. But if I end up in teacher housing I'll find some way of sorting through it without having to Gaijin Smash, I'm sure. I'm willing to be flexible and diplomatic so I'm sure there'll be some solution when and if it matters.
I think this is the way to go.


Massive yokattaness!

:/

Prospective
April 19th, 2012, 09:43
Word- I think there has been some consensus but there were a few posts (like the ones by AVNicholls and Lianwen) that really worried me because they seemed to imply "in some situations you CAN'T change your housing because it's teacher housing owned by your CO".

I just didn't want to be put in a situation where I had no control over my housing, which is why I considered being more upfront. I think it'd be better to stress about that eventuality when and if it actually comes to that, though! Stressing now is jumping the gun.

coop52
April 19th, 2012, 09:51
You might have to make more of a fuss, but it's possible to move in almost all situations. You just have to be prepared to do the work of finding a place that would take you (and your partner) and to pay for all the set up costs if your BOE won't help you.

word
April 19th, 2012, 09:59
Yeah, my first apartment was owned by the BoE, but my current house is not. My BoE didn't help me find the new place, but some of my eikaiwa people did, and even helped me sort out the paperwork and stuff.

madeleine
April 19th, 2012, 12:49
I have to add though that you may not be able to move simply because there are no apartments/houses for rent where you live. When me and my partner were looking to move, there just wasn't any rented housing other than the town-owned apartments. But, my BOE was quite happy to talk to another town and ask if we could move into the teacher housing in their town. It would have worked out if it wasn't for my partner's shitty, shitty BOE.

miss_doitsu
April 19th, 2012, 15:25
At the end of the day, a lot of JETs forget that they are ADULTS. Sure, you're on a government program, but who's business is it who stays at your home? They pay a little towards it? Yeah, big deal! What are they going to do?

You have no obligation to tell anyone your sexuality, your status (the JET forms are just a formality so they can set up visas and what not if needed) or what/who you choose to do in your spare time.

I've not been in your situation but I have had a controlling supervisor who tried to lay down the law with me. Doing something first and, if they find out, then just gaijin smashing it is usually the best way to go about things.

word
April 19th, 2012, 15:27
At the end of the day, a lot of JETs forget that they are ADULTS.

Doing something first and, if they find out, then just gaijin smashing it is usually the best way to go about things.WORD.

Also, "whose," not "who's."

Gizmotech
April 19th, 2012, 15:28
At the end of the day, a lot of JETs forget that they are ADULTS.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... we are talking about the same program right? It doesn't recruit adults... it recruits physically mature people with the mentalities of 12 year olds.

miss_doitsu
April 19th, 2012, 15:34
WORD.

Also, "whose," not "who's."

It's 8am give me a break!

Jiggit
April 19th, 2012, 15:56
People who are too careful in order to avoid conflict become incredibly resentful of their work/living environment because they think nothing is allowed; they're accidentally boxing themselves in.

I feel like this is something they should take every JET aside and unofficially tell them at Tokyo orientation.

Prospective
April 19th, 2012, 16:32
Yeah, there's a fine line between being respectful and being a gaijin doormat.

Having worked in Eikawa I'm more used to seeing the other side- the boorish gaijin that don't think ANY of the rules that apply to Japanese people should apply to them. Even train fares (they just jump the barriers) or rules that would apply to them at home (such as not being a drunk wanker on trains in public).

miss_doitsu
April 19th, 2012, 16:50
No, I'm not telling you to be a douche. I'm just saying you should use your common sense - your life is your life and you don't have to ask permission to live it as you wish as long as you're not harming anyone or causing trouble.

Prospective
April 20th, 2012, 05:37
Oh yeah, I agree. I was just saying that I tend towards being too polite because I don't want to be "one of those gaijin". It's important to find the right balance though, by using common sense, as you say.

Lianwen
April 20th, 2012, 11:26
About my housing sitch - my relationship with my BOE is very, very, very, very special.

I'm learning now how much fun it is to gaijin smash.

Tyr
April 20th, 2012, 15:00
Don't worry too much about it.
I know several gay jets and they all get by fine. I've even met one gay jet who has probally one of the top 10 non-island most rural placements in the country. The locals find it rather adorable that he has a boyfriend.
And I've never came across anyone who isn't allowed visitors at their place.

On jets being free to move home and all that and beign adults and free: hmm....I have to say there...things are tricky.
Jets aren't just there just to work in schools. If they just wanted an English monkey they'd go to interac or somesuch. Jet is meant to be about having these foreigners as part of the local community and internationalising Japan and all those fancy buzz words.
For some people moving house is no problem. I know a fair few people who have done it.
On the other hand I know a guy who lives in a small village half an hour from the city. He tried to move to the city- the commute would be fine for work but with trains stopping early and the no drinking and driving rules being stuck up in the village unless he did some major planning for a city adventure sucked. His school just pretty much said no way. He was the village foreigner. He had to live in the special village ALT house. And now that he mentions it they don't much care for him dissapearing every weekend either.
Total ESID there.

Ini
April 20th, 2012, 15:32
luckily I've only met one gay jet and a kiwi ALT got drunk and punched him.good times

jwkelley
April 20th, 2012, 19:45
luckily I've only met one gay jet and a kiwi ALT got drunk and punched him.good times

Put some ice on it im sure the swelling will do down in the morning.

word
April 20th, 2012, 19:56
For some people moving house is no problem. I know a fair few people who have done it.
On the other hand I know a guy who lives in a small village half an hour from the city. He tried to move to the city- the commute would be fine for work but with trains stopping early and the no drinking and driving rules being stuck up in the village unless he did some major planning for a city adventure sucked. His school just pretty much said no way. He was the village foreigner. He had to live in the special village ALT house. And now that he mentions it they don't much care for him dissapearing every weekend either.
Total ESID there.Okay, yeah, I should mention the fact that an eikaiwa member mentioned, when I talked about moving to a nearby town when MG and I were looking for a new house, that the village would be upset if I didn't actually live in their town.

It's also worth noting that when that conversation took place, we had been searching for a new house for some time--without much luck--and the very next day, a huge, modern, awesome house miraculously became available. Turns out, it had been empty for some time, but nobody thought to mention it to MG and I until we talked about moving out of town.

I'm sure it was just a coincidence.