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jellybeans
March 22nd, 2015, 13:38
Hi, ITIL.

I'm struggling with an eating disorder while living as an ALT in Japan and am considering reaching out for help.

Here's the catch: I did the ultimate no-no and didn't list my mental health history on my application. Why? It's none of their business and I had been fully functioning for many years. I was on a mood stabilizer for depression and sleep during my freshman year of high school. Depression was solved quickly, but I ended up staying on the pills longer because I was sleep dependent.

The past year or two has been has been a weight loss journey fueled by negativity, leading me to the outlook and habits I possess currently. Otherwise, life here is going very well and I feel successful. I'm by no means suicidal or wasting away, but I know that there's a lot within me that needs to be fixed in order to become healthy.

My question to you guys is if you think getting professional help can reach its way back to people that will somehow look into that history and decide to terminate me as the JET application threatens?

My hopes are that this can be a safe place to ask this without jeopardizing my job.

uthinkimlost?
March 22nd, 2015, 16:18
If you need help, you need help. There's no getting around that. There are English-speaking psychologists in Japan, and JET will pay for 1man of it.

That said, there's a very good chance this will get back to your co. In my estimation, unless you pay out of pocket and get out of the prefecture, almost certain. What they do with that information is anyone's guess. As for me, I'd be pretty annoyed.

You said your history was not JET's business. It most certainly was. Existing conditions can be aggravated by living abroad. Just like the military, a foreign government is well within its rights to want to know if you'll need special treatment. Lying just leads to issues like this.

Ode to a Grasshopper
March 22nd, 2015, 20:18
My question to you guys is if you think getting professional help can reach its way back to people that will somehow look into that history and decide to terminate me as the JET application threatens?Yes, it can. There'll be someone or several someones in your BoE who handle the insurance/finances stuff and word will sooner or later get back to them.
The good news for you is, JET ALTs are pretty expensive to hire, and so as a general rule most BoEs prefer not to replace them unless they have to (with the usual ESID caveat). If they fire you now and/or don't recontract you then they have to pay for Tokyo Orientation and start-up costs for a new ALT, and that's both expensive and a pain in the arse. You've given them a nice excuse not to recontract you - as UTIL said, it sort of is their business, since you're one of their employees and a public servant to boot - but you've got a reasonable chance of them not actually doing so. Not because you're especially valuable to them, but because it's more of a hassle to replace you than keep you.

jellybeans
March 22nd, 2015, 20:28
Thank you for the information, guys.
I know I need to create a healthy method of managing my serotonin and reward systems. I really value and enjoy my position here and would hate to throw it away, it's a shame that this is what the situation has become. Ultimately these sorts of changes are mostly independent ones anyway, so I'll try to be proactive enough to change without extra help.

MikeCarter
March 23rd, 2015, 04:25
Honestly, the fact that you gave the title of this "trigger warning" leads me to lower my opinion of you greatly from the start.

Yes, your past medical history is their business. What's happened to you now is exactly the kind of thing they worry about when sending people over - a preexisting condition has resurfaced. The effects of this can be amplified by the feelings of loneliness and isolation that come with staying in a foreign country.

It's good you're trying to fix the problem rather than fall into despair or blame Japan though. If you're worried about getting caught, the natural recommendation is simply you don't seek professional help. It even sounds like you have a good idea of what you need to do as well. So, just make a plan for yourself, maybe create a support network of some sort (either there or on here perhaps), and follow through with it.

jellybeans
March 23rd, 2015, 07:33
Honestly, the fact that you gave the title of this "trigger warning" leads me to lower my opinion of you greatly from the start.

Yes, your past medical history is their business. What's happened to you now is exactly the kind of thing they worry about when sending people over - a preexisting condition has resurfaced. The effects of this can be amplified by the feelings of loneliness and isolation that come with staying in a foreign country.

It's good you're trying to fix the problem rather than fall into despair or blame Japan though. If you're worried about getting caught, the natural recommendation is simply you don't seek professional help. It even sounds like you have a good idea of what you need to do as well. So, just make a plan for yourself, maybe create a support network of some sort (either there or on here perhaps), and follow through with it.

This is completely defensive of me, but I'd like to mention that this was something that only really existed during puberty that was exasperated by deaths and a father overseas. I believe that most people reach a time in their life where they need some extra help, and it's a shame that something that happened when I was 13 or 14 would have to leave such an obstructive mark. I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago, let alone 10.

The trigger warning was used somewhat ironically; I cannot stand modern feminism, but with other people in mind, well.

It definitely isn't Japan's fault, it's my fault for being overcritical and insecure. When I went to Japan I was happy and losing weight, and somewhere in between arrival and now things took a negative turn. You can't lose the kind of weight I lost without motivation, and unfortunately I choose the wrong motivation.

I hope not to become the beacon of mental illness on this site, as that's certainly not what my identity has been the past decade. I shall gaman and ganbaru and stuff and organize my life. I thank you for your 2 cents and support!

Zolrak 22
March 23rd, 2015, 08:13
I hope not to become the beacon of mental illness on this site, as that's certainly not what my identity has been the past decade.

Belive me darling, there's no way you could possibly outshine some of the people in here. (When it comes to that award.)

Best you can do is get treatment and hope for the best, they aren't gonna think less of you for having a desire to improve yourself.

It's the hiding your past that might hurt in the long run.

Gizmotech
March 23rd, 2015, 11:33
Umm,

If you can get help without having to disclose your preexisting conditions, (IE can be diagnosed independently) then go get help. If you can't best to avoid it because the information WILL get back to you. (My school got my health care spendings report and gave it to me after they opened it.)

uthinkimlost?
March 23rd, 2015, 11:38
"gizmosensei, why did you have your stomach pumped five times last year?"

weepinbell
March 23rd, 2015, 20:51
Please seek help. That's the bottom line. If it gets back to your BoE that really sucks, but please put your health first.

Obviously they put that part on the application for a reason; EDs are unfortunately something that exist with you for a long time, even if you think they're gone, much like depression or anxiety. I have a friend dealing with a similar situation right now, refusing help for a similar reason and it breaks my heart.

So while there may be a chance that it comes back around... Assuming that the therapy policy is confidential over there, they won't know what you've discussed. Just that you've met with someone.... Which I know is a tough one since mental illness has a terrible stigma over there.

At least start with calling a hotline in your country - a lot of the time, therapists work at those organizations. It might also be helpful to contact someone from home, a therapist maybe who helped you in the past? I'm sure they will be more than happy to help.

Good luck!!!

mothy
March 23rd, 2015, 21:35
Ain't nothing wrong with self-medicating through food and drink. This belly warming stout will love me long time.

Gizmotech
March 24th, 2015, 01:06
Ain't nothing wrong with self-medicating through food and drink. This belly warming stout will love me long time.

I don't mean to agree with mothy.. good lord I try not to, but there is something to be said for realizing a problem yourself and figuring out how to fix it without medication.

Jiggit
March 24th, 2015, 08:39
It definitely isn't Japan's fault, it's my fault for being overcritical and insecure. When I went to Japan I was happy and losing weight, and somewhere in between arrival and now things took a negative turn. You can't lose the kind of weight I lost without motivation, and unfortunately I choose the wrong motivation.

It probably exacerbated those issues though. Also it means you're isolated and have trouble communicating, plus Japan is a lot less considerate of mental health issues than some other countries you could be in.A lot of ALTs develop or deepen depression (and I mean real depression) when they come here.

I should seek help if I were you. If you think you can deal with this through non drug-related methods (whether that's prescribed or otherwise) then I should do so immediately.

As for your work, do you think it's been affecting your performance? Does your school feel like you've become worse at your job, or are they pretty much unaware? If the answer is no, I don't think anything bad will come of it, even if they do find out you're seeking treatment. I mean, is there any reason you can't just tell them you didn't have any issues like this before? That they're entirely new to Japan and that's why you didn't put them on your medical self-assessment? Not to be sarcastic, but you've already lied to get in Japan once, why not lie again to stay here?

Ananasboat
March 24th, 2015, 08:43
Guys, I know you have really good intentions and stuff, but it's rarely that easy. There have been times where I'm stressed or anxious and I wont eat well for days. There was a period of time my only source of food was kyushoku, and I could barely choke down half of it. I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder, though I've entertained the thought. I'm just trying to say that it's more than not wanting to eat, it's feeling ill at the thought of food.

For people where this is severe, it should be handled professionally. It's not something for self help books and booze.

uthinkimlost?
March 24th, 2015, 08:47
As for your work, do you think it's been affecting your performance? Does your school feel like you've become worse at your job, or are they pretty much unaware? If the answer is no, I don't think anything bad will come of it, even if they do find out you're seeking treatment. I mean, is there any reason you can't just tell them you didn't have any issues like this before? That they're entirely new to Japan and that's why you didn't put them on your medical self-assessment? Not to be sarcastic, but you've already lied to get in Japan once, why not lie again to stay here?

Psych-people like to know the full history. It helps find patterns and determine underlying causes, etc, etc. I suppose s(he) could lie, but my understanding is that eating disorders rarely begin in adulthood.

Jiggit
March 24th, 2015, 08:58
Psych-people like to know the full history. It helps find patterns and determine underlying causes, etc, etc. I suppose s(he) could lie, but my understanding is that eating disorders rarely begin in adulthood.

But if they're seeking English language advice, would that really get back to their work in full detail?

Satori Shinobi
March 24th, 2015, 09:10
After having read your post yesterday and thinking about it, here's what I've come up with:

Where did you get placed are you urban, suburban, rural, or inaka? What amenities do you you have available to you? Have you considered working out? I've been practicing yoga on and off for the past 7 years and I always recommend it to anyone looking for peace of mind. Something else to consider is that muscle is twice as dense as body fat. I learned this fact from this article written by a girl who struggled with her own body image, please read it all as it's a fascinating read:

http://sophieologie.me/2013/04/30/strong-is-the-new-skinny/

As for support, consider talking to friends and family online. Also, you came to ITIL to seek advice so 'stay awhile and listen'. My observation is that most of the posters here are well meaning, albeit a tad cynical and maniacal. I think the sight could use a breath of fresh air in here so feel free to engage in conversation, also create an avatar.

I myself just got to Japan 2 months ago as an alternate, I'm still struggling to find my groove but I'm determined. I too have dealt with depression, college years as well as post-college. Fun fact: My ex left me to pursue a relationship with a woman. It sucks and it took me 3 tries at JET to make it over, but I did. And I'm fortunate to be where I am, this past weekend while camping I realized how wonderful things are right now. I'm in Japan, I have a well paying job, I like my JTE's, my workload isn't excessive (yet), I'm teaching in a high school (type of minds I'm looking to engage with), I have a crush on one of the teacher's at my school (feeling things I haven't before on the emotional front in quite some time), I'm in a moderately sized city right on the inland sea (I can step outside and can see it from across the street), there are fellow JET participants within town, I know what I want to do when my time with JET is up (and I have backup plans), it's springtime, and finally, were headed towards the future: one with Virtual Reality, Augmented Reality, Androids, Artificial Intelligence, more advanced gaming, space colonization, perhaps even biological immortality. If you burn out before these awesome things come, you're going to miss out.

Good things can come if you're patient, persistent, and accept certain kinds of help when it comes your way (and it will come from mysterious places at times).

uthinkimlost?
March 24th, 2015, 09:15
But if they're seeking English language advice, would that really get back to their work in full detail?

That I honestly don't know.

Apollo87
March 24th, 2015, 09:21
I'm in Japan, I have a well paying job, I like my JTE's, my workload isn't excessive (yet), I'm teaching in a high school (type of minds I'm looking to engage with), I have a crush on one of the teacher's at my school (feeling things I haven't before on the emotional front in quite some time), I'm in a moderately sized city right on the inland sea (I can step outside and can see it from across the street), there are fellow JET participants within town, I know what I want to do when my time with JET is up (and I have backup plans), it's springtime, and finally, were headed towards the future: one with Virtual Reality, Augmented Reality, Androids, Artificial Intelligence, more advanced gaming, space colonization, perhaps even biological immortality. If you burn out before these awesome things come, you're going to miss out. Good things can come if you're patient, persistent, and accept certain kinds of help when it comes your way (and it will come from mysterious places at times).I love your optimism and I'm glad things are getting betterfor you. I also want to say that its hilarious how drastically that escalated:P

Satori's two step plan to happiness:
Step 1: Feel gratitude for what you have
Step 2: Await the pending technosingularity!

Satori Shinobi
March 24th, 2015, 09:43
I love your optimism and I'm glad things are getting betterfor you. I also want to say that its hilarious how drastically that escalated:P

Satori's two step plan to happiness:
Step 1: Feel gratitude for what you have
Step 2: Await the pending technosingularity!

Moore's law would suggest that these things are going to accelerate :P Although I do feel that it is important to have a long term motivating factor and cyberpunk technosingularity is the best there is!

johnny
March 24th, 2015, 10:30
Please seek help. That's the bottom line. If it gets back to your BoE that really sucks, but please put your health first.

Obviously they put that part on the application for a reason; EDs are unfortunately something that exist with you for a long time, even if you think they're gone, much like depression or anxiety. I have a friend dealing with a similar situation right now, refusing help for a similar reason and it breaks my heart.

So while there may be a chance that it comes back around... Assuming that the therapy policy is confidential over there, they won't know what you've discussed. Just that you've met with someone.... Which I know is a tough one since mental illness has a terrible stigma over there.

At least start with calling a hotline in your country - a lot of the time, therapists work at those organizations. It might also be helpful to contact someone from home, a therapist maybe who helped you in the past? I'm sure they will be more than happy to help.

Good luck!!!

I completely agree with this post. If you need help, just fucking get it. Deal with the other ramifications later. One thing that you need to know is that Jet is not the end all and the be all of life. It's certainly not something that should be an impediment to a healthy mind or body.

weepinbell
March 24th, 2015, 23:26
Guys, I know you have really good intentions and stuff, but it's rarely that easy. There have been times where I'm stressed or anxious and I wont eat well for days. There was a period of time my only source of food was kyushoku, and I could barely choke down half of it. I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder, though I've entertained the thought. I'm just trying to say that it's more than not wanting to eat, it's feeling ill at the thought of food.

For people where this is severe, it should be handled professionally. It's not something for self help books and booze.

Yeah, this right here. Trying to 'hide' it or get rid of the issue without professional help doesn't always do the trick, especially when it's something they've struggled with in the past. Mental illnesses and disorders tend to go much deeper, and often cannot be fixed with plain "optimism" (or obviously self-medicating). I think most people commenting mean well, but this is something that definitely needs to be treated professionally.

I can't say it enough - please seek help! Even if Japan's mentality likes to claim otherwise, it's nothing to be ashemed of... your wellbeing is top priority, always. Don't sacrifice that for anything, even work.

Mt.
March 25th, 2015, 10:05
I see people talking about information on the insurance forms getting back to the BOE and school, but how detailed is that information? Can they really ascertain that you've gone to Dr. Nani-san of pyschiatry for a hidden, long-term mental illness versus help in dealing with culture shock? Just feed them some white lie about not feeling well lately and wanting to "find out" why. I doubt they have in-depth information, and any medical forms they do see will be full of jargon. Despite anything they ask of you, you have control over what information you give to them.

Gizmotech
March 25th, 2015, 12:45
I see people talking about information on the insurance forms getting back to the BOE and school, but how detailed is that information? Can they really ascertain that you've gone to Dr. Nani-san of pyschiatry for a hidden, long-term mental illness versus help in dealing with culture shock? Just feed them some white lie about not feeling well lately and wanting to "find out" why. I doubt they have in-depth information, and any medical forms they do see will be full of jargon. Despite anything they ask of you, you have control over what information you give to them.

The list I talked about had enough information to figure out what was going on. Also your health check information goes through them as well. Sure they might not get all the details, but they could get enough to enquire further, and you really don't have a choice about sharing info with them usually.

webstaa
March 26th, 2015, 08:34
I see people talking about information on the insurance forms getting back to the BOE and school, but how detailed is that information? Can they really ascertain that you've gone to Dr. Nani-san of pyschiatry for a hidden, long-term mental illness versus help in dealing with culture shock? Just feed them some white lie about not feeling well lately and wanting to "find out" why. I doubt they have in-depth information, and any medical forms they do see will be full of jargon. Despite anything they ask of you, you have control over what information you give to them.

ESID, but depending on how 'hand-holdy' or controlling your BoE is, they might get. "ALT-san went to the clinic/hospital where Dr. Nani practices on March 25th and used his/her health insurance card." Or they might call up Dr. Nani and get every bit of information they can out of him. Probably depends on if you take nenkyuu to go see Dr. Nani or not, or if they suspect an issue or not.

Jiggit
March 26th, 2015, 08:41
If you were seeing an English-speaking therapist rather than just the dude at the local inaka clinic I would expect them to have more of a sense of confidentiality. Japan isn't that backwards.

johnny
March 26th, 2015, 08:56
I suspect Jiggs is right. They'll know you've seen a psychologist, but I seriously doubt the psychologist will reveal anything personal. If the BOE doesn't have any information on the session, there would likely be nothing to lead them to believe that there was a pre-existing condition. There certainly wouldn't be any proof.

If you're worried, as the psychologist first if the session is completely confidential. If they equivocate or say no, then figure out something else.

Finally, with all the uselss ALT's out there, I would be surprised at any BOE that would axe an otherwise good ALT over something like this anyway.

Aqua
March 27th, 2015, 23:42
To chime in with my experience, in case it's helpful for future applicants:

I gave a full disclosure of my bout with depression in high school on the application form. I wrestled with the decision, because I was worried for the same reasons as you. Ultimately, I concisely said that I once had depression, got on pills and counseling, got out/off of pills and counseling, clean bill of health since. Obviously I can't say how that balanced with the rest of my app and interview, but I got my shortlist e-mail! I felt like it maybe helped to put how it was dealt with (again, very brief and clinical) rather than simply listing a history? Idk, but it didn't tank the whole application.

Ini
March 31st, 2015, 01:59
why are they so many people with "depression" applying? what have you 20-year-old-nothings got to be depressed about?

weepinbell
March 31st, 2015, 02:20
why are they so many people with "depression" applying? what have you 20-year-old-nothings got to be depressed about?

I don't have depression, but I have friends and family who struggle with it. Depression isn't exactly something they can help by just going 'oh well I guess my life isn't that bad I'm just not gonna be depressed anymore' - that's why it's called a mental illness.

Ini
March 31st, 2015, 02:25
everyone is miserable. everyone is depressed. everyone feels like putting a gun in their mouth and ending it all. everyone has responsibilities. everyone has people relying on them. People who complain about "depression" are spoiled babies who need to wake up at realise the world doesn't revolve around them.

weepinbell
March 31st, 2015, 02:35
everyone is miserable. everyone is depressed. everyone feels like putting a gun in their mouth and ending it all.

Definitely not everyone feels that, I can tell you that much. Feelings like that are why people end up seeking help in the first place. All I can say is that my friends who ended up seeking help are far better off than they were. Saying depression doesn't exist is like saying EDs or schizophrenia don't exist - I would genuinely hope you realize people who struggle with those things need the help. It's no different, really.

BifCarbet
March 31st, 2015, 02:36
everyone is miserable. everyone is depressed. everyone feels like putting a gun in their mouth and ending it all. everyone has responsibilities. everyone has people relying on them. People who complain about "depression" are spoiled babies who need to wake up at realise the world doesn't revolve around them.

That approach to coexistence is off.

Ini
March 31st, 2015, 02:38
wait a few years.... trust me. once you hit a certain age and you see all your potential wasted and all your peers dead you will be desperate for the sweet embrace of the grave

BifCarbet
March 31st, 2015, 02:59
wait a few years.... trust me. once you hit a certain age and you see all your potential wasted and all your peers dead you will be desperate for the sweet embrace of the grave

I'm old as F, yo.

Ini
March 31st, 2015, 02:59
then you have never witnessed pure misery

sourdoughsushi
March 31st, 2015, 08:33
I was raised by an alcoholic mother while my Dad was constantly deployed with the military.

I've definitely had some periods of depression. But hey, I never went to a doctor for it, so I'm sure I'm perrrrrrrfectly normal and accountable.

Plenty of people get pills and help that need them, and plenty get them that don't, but screw that stigma, Ini.

Aqua
March 31st, 2015, 08:49
I entertained the thought that they placed me in Akita so I would fit in.

Cbill1
March 31st, 2015, 10:07
everyone is miserable. everyone is depressed. everyone feels like putting a gun in their mouth and ending it all. everyone has responsibilities. everyone has people relying on them. People who complain about "depression" are spoiled babies who need to wake up at realise the world doesn't revolve around them.

yeah, there are times where everyone feels sad or bummed, but sadness and depression are two way different things. sadness eventually goes away or abates (even if it pops back up again later), but depression is like this constant void of nothingness that drains your energy. iirc, depression is actually tied to the way the brain is wired too, which is what the medicine is there to help fix.

don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who use their sadness for attention, but not everyone with depression is a "spoiled baby."

MikeCarter
March 31st, 2015, 10:43
yeah, there are times where everyone feels sad or bummed, but sadness and depression are two way different things. sadness eventually goes away or abates (even if it pops back up again later), but depression is like this constant void of nothingness that drains your energy. iirc, depression is actually tied to the way the brain is wired too, which is what the medicine is there to help fix.

don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who use their sadness for attention, but not everyone with depression is a "spoiled baby."

I always get annoyed when people are like "I'm so depressed". I mean, like you said, depression isn't actually being sad.

Depression is nothing. It's having nothing at all matter. Who cares if things go bad? That's the norm. Who cares if things go well? They'll just end up going bad later anyway. Why bother leaving your bed? Why bother taking care of yourself? Why bother trying to get out? Why bother trying to get good grades? Why bother trying? Why even bother living?

Because nothing matters. Because nothing will ever matter.

At least, that's what I think depression is.

People just go through a rough patches nowadays, get sad, and immediately go "well I must be depressed". I doubt most are actually depressed, just like I doubt so many kids really have ADHD or whatever it's called.

mothy
March 31st, 2015, 12:22
But nothing does matter.

Virgil
March 31st, 2015, 13:10
wait a few years.... trust me. once you hit a certain age and you see all your potential wasted and all your peers dead you will be desperate for the sweet embrace of the grave

This is why I like Ini. That is the sound of true depression. I mean, it must be. He has over 26,000 posts.

nibbletbunny
March 31st, 2015, 13:25
After seeing some of the comments about depression on I here I feel compelled to comment. While many may not have experienced depression themselves, it is not cool to attribute it to a character flaw, lack of gumption, etc.... Nor should we dismiss depression as a sort of "made-up problem." Depression is indeed very common and should always be taken seriously. According to Psych Central, it has been called, "the common cold of mental disorders," not because it should be taken lightly, but because of how many people suffer from depression at some point in their lives. Mental health conditions are pretty mysterious as far as health conditions go because the causes are still mostly unknown to the medical community.

Before I did JET, I worked in a counseling center which treated mainly trauma victims. A huge number of people I met experienced depression at some point in time. I was also always struck by how many people struggled with depression, not only when faced with extreme trauma, but also just trying to cope with life stressors that almost everyone encounters at some point. So, I just want to say how depression is a normal part of just trying to cope with living. I also want to say that it takes a lot of courage for a person to reach out and ask for help when it comes to something so personal, so the individual who started this thread should be applauded for even seeking advice!

Also, there is a really good web site out there that has a lot of information and support groups on mental health. I recommend that anyone who is interested in learning more about depression, eating disorders, or many other mental health concerns check out psychcentral.com. I really like it and think it's a good resource! :)

johnny
March 31st, 2015, 13:55
Flaw or not, none of the depressed people here are acting like special snowflakes or asking for attention. They were just asking about declaring it on the jet application form. That's a very reasonable question to ask since people with psychological issues can be viewed in many circles as a risky hire.

For all we know they've kept their depression rather private and have dealt with it like a mature adult. If you are constantly sad, to the point where you can't cope, then you see a professional. These people have done that and that's all well and good.

Virgil
March 31st, 2015, 14:55
I would even add that it's the sign of a mature adult to recognize that there is an issue and to do everything in their power to manage it. It becomes a personality flaw when that person uses their disability (yes, that is what it is) to make excuses, or justify their failures. We all struggle with a variety of problems, and depression happens to be a common one. People tend to view mental problems as imaginary, and it certainly is harder to prove them. Sometimes it's hard to tell a compulsive liar from someone with mild schizophrenia etc. It's complex, and personal. As soon as people stop making excuses, we can recognize that people have problems, and move on.

Edit: The whole excuses thing doesn't necessarily apply to anyone on this forum, I was just adding to the discussion about mental disorders.

Lorenzo
April 4th, 2015, 18:08
Obviously depression is not logical (in that if someone lives a very privileged life, they're still at risk) and is a clinical illness, but Ini is a disingenuous troll, and him being such is the one thing that keeps him from that sweet release of the grave, so I wouldn't expend too much energy.

greyjoy
April 6th, 2015, 11:56
This is why I like Ini. That is the sound of true depression. I mean, it must be. He has over 26,000 posts.

Plus he's been registered here since 1970. What a sad case.

antilles43
April 15th, 2015, 21:32
Hi,
I lose weight when i turn around. It happens really quick for me a few days and takes ages to put back on. I am always upset with myself when i look in the mirror. But i try to put it on again. I find things that are easy to swallow that you are used to and are culturally familiar with help me the most. Milk has a lot of calories, so do nuts and avacadoes. The nuts and avacadoes go well.
Jam on toast makes it easier to swallow, i have to have milk with it too or i feel it might get caught in my throat.
A few years back i was having real trouble eating Japanese food in general, and was even throwing up before i left for school a little, gagging on it.
Moderation which slowly increases can be good.
A buy a scales if you think it will help. Push ups will quickly increase your self confidence, and make you more hungry maybe, as well as building muscle slowly.
I'm not an expert, but i have been advised by many friends who are, and these are things they told me that have helped and some i found myself.
Good luck,

Ananasboat
April 15th, 2015, 21:45
To go along with this, snacking on nuts is a great way to gain. It's healthy, there's little sugar and there are lots of healthy fats. Peanut butter is available in small quantities in many grocery stores, and in larger quantities in foreign goods stores and obviously Costco. I try whenever I can to drink a second milk if there are any left over on the food cart and if there are any in the school's fridge. Milk with a peanut butter sandwich is great.

greyjoy
April 15th, 2015, 22:11
To be young again, and have trouble putting on weight.

word
April 16th, 2015, 19:42
To be young again, and have trouble putting on weight.

word

Gizmotech
April 16th, 2015, 20:48
Trouble putting on weight? Ftw is this mystical thing you speak of?

Ananasboat
April 16th, 2015, 21:37
I've very suddenly started putting on weight. So maybe I understand. I don't want to be old...

word
April 16th, 2015, 22:10
Me, age 2-24. Could not put on weight to save my life, no matter what I ate.

Fast forward a few years, and holy sh*t; I'm becoming a lard-arse.

weepinbell
April 16th, 2015, 23:01
God... my literal plan is to join a gym this May and get in some good cardio for the next 3 months to keep trim so that when I get to Japan, I won't have as shocking a gain as I'm anticipating lol. Let's hope it works....

Zolrak 22
April 16th, 2015, 23:04
Me, age 2-24. Could not put on weight to save my life, no matter what I ate.

Have the same "problem", a while back I tried "bulking up" a little but couldn't put on the necessary weight.... [emoji28]

jellybeans
May 29th, 2015, 19:31
Gosh, it's been 2 months. What is time.

I just wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm alive and have improved. I ultimately decided not to risk reaching out and have made changes on my own. It's a process of course, but I'm proud to say I'm doing it.

I had some dental work done a while ago, so healing up from that wrote off bulimia and bingeing for some time. I had some tough times after, but have been doing well. I spent about a month or so just trying to eat normally while focusing on giving myself a break; not being so hard on myself. The past few weeks I've begun to diet a bit and purchased a heart rate monitor to make me feel more comfortable and exact with that.

Diet? Isn't that bad for eating disorder people? You may say that, and it's certainly difficult. Right now I'm 10-20 lbs overweight, and the eating disorder partly took place due to the increased difficulty in weightloss once the deficit @ 1200-1400 calories became less. Part of this process is learning to be okay with taking it slow while learning to be easier on myself. I want to be healthy, so the weightloss journey continues at some point.

These habits and the underlying problems that cause them don't just go away overnight, but I'm happy to feel in better control again. Thank you and kisses to everyone that put in a word or two. It's so wonderful to see some of my color (figurative meaning for not being a depressed potato) returning.

Ananasboat
May 29th, 2015, 20:14
That's really good to hear. I just want to add that 10-20 pounds is nothing to beat yourself up over. You've been struggling for a while and right now your focus should be your metal health. I'm saying this not knowing your mental state right now, and also not knowing if you want unsolicited advice, but I'll offer some up anyway. Sorry.

Instead of tracking calories, take meal times slowly. Sit down at a table, drink a full glass of water before you eat anything. Take small bites and take them slowly. Read something engrossing while you eat. And then stop eating when you feel full. Get rid of the notion that you have to finish everything on your plate. It may feel like wasting food, but consider the cost of the wasted food a tax on being healthy.

Tracking calories is a very effective way of monitoring your progress, but when you include an eating disorder in that mix guilt tends to negatively effect your eating habits. If you accidentally go over your caloric goals it could possibly trigger a relapse. Right now more than anything your metal health is more important than your physical health. For the health bit, start small. Take walks. Ride a bike at a leisurely pace and get out in the sun. Vitamin D is a great tool for healing.

I hope I didn't step on your toes offering you advice. I really just want you to focus on feeling better instead of feeling like you need to lose weight to feel better. I hope your color comes back in full. Take care of yourself.