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weepinbell
October 23rd, 2015, 08:49
I think the honeymoon phase is pretty much dead and homesickness is probably starting to set-in for new JETs. I know it is for everyone in my city. Just a bit curious about what you guys do when it happens.

I finally found a place around here that serves pretty decent mac and cheese, so that helped a little for me.

word
October 23rd, 2015, 08:55
Go snowboarding (in winter). Otherwise try to go out and do something.

Indulge in some delicious, fattening food.

Get completely drunk and cry while watching Youtube videos that have no business making me cry.

Intimate contact with someone from my preferred gender helps a lot.

Watch something to do with the election and don't miss America as much.

webstaa
October 23rd, 2015, 09:46
This summer I got really homesick - well not so much homesick as wanderlust. A couple of my friends moved away from the prefecture and I actually kinda felt lonely. I really went stir crazy in the staffroom. So I poured myself into a couple hobbies - I got a couple little metal figure kits to assemble, and then put together the speaker amp kit I got from a friend. And I put roughly 3000km on my bike trying to get healthier and lose a little bit of weight.

Gizmotech
October 23rd, 2015, 09:52
My HUGE suggestion is, "time to grow up". Not in the bootstraps kind of way, but in the stop talking with the other ALTs and get out on their own into the community. Try to make new Japanese friends, experience new things, and get the hell out of the apartment. The best cure for homesickness is to occupy the mind and not be surrounded by those everyday things which will remind you of home.

Disconnecting from Facebook at times like these also helps a bit too. Basically anything that reminds and reinforces ideas that home is better than the life here are going to make it worse, so it's about forcing yourself to accept the life you have. This is a big part of the shift from Uni Student to Adult, and most are unfortunately doing it for the first time here in Japan which is doubly bad. Basically you're forcing the worst breakup of your life, after having an arm cut off.

mrcharisma
October 23rd, 2015, 09:53
I never really left the honeymoon period and I think it was because as soon as I noticed the other Jets doing so I minimised contact with all but a couple of my favourites. The more time you spend in grotty ramen joints listening to spoilt children whine about petty injustices that were usually their fault, the more you will want to be somewhere, anywhere else.

At weekends, visit other parts of Japan as often as you can. Big cities are especially good for this as you'll realise how much better looking the people are than where you're from.

Virgil
October 23rd, 2015, 10:08
I never really left the honeymoon period and I think it was because as soon as I noticed the other Jets doing so I minimised contact with all but a couple of my favourites. The more time you spend in grotty ramen joints listening to spoilt children whine about petty injustices that were usually their fault, the more you will want to be somewhere, anywhere else.

At weekends, visit other parts of Japan as often as you can. Big cities are especially good for this as you'll realise how much better looking the people are than where you're from.


This and Gizmo's advice are great. I had a similar experience to mrcharisma. I would disagree that facebook makes me miss home. Facebook is the fastest way for me to remember that I don't really care to be back there yet.

weepinbell
October 23rd, 2015, 10:28
Yeah, I'm already trying to do a lot of the things Gizmo suggested. We have so many ALTs here, and a good handful of them have really good Japanese, so I'm definitely guilty of clinging to that safety net. The other week I went to book a sharehouse in my school's community for my family by myself, and somehow ended up with a free bowl of zenzai and watching a taiko performance on the street... probably one of my favorite memories so far. And I actually met a local here my age who studied for awhile in my home city, so we're meeting up for drinks this week. I'm hoping that'll be a catalyst to hanging out with more Japanese people and finding a language partner or something.

Facebook doesn't bother me too much either because I definitely miss my family more than actually being back at home. Some of them are coming here over Christmas/New Years which I think will at least help with the holiday blues.

Gizmotech
October 23rd, 2015, 10:47
I think for most people it's not so much about "missing home" as it is "missing familliar connections". The strongest of those will be family to many, and friends to others. Family is the hard one to break, that most of us generally have to do at some point in our 20s as we start building our own, independent lives

x_stei
October 23rd, 2015, 11:16
I think for most people it's not so much about "missing home" as it is "missing familliar connections". The strongest of those will be family to many, and friends to others. Family is the hard one to break, that most of us generally have to do at some point in our 20s as we start building our own, independent lives
I think this is true for me. I don't miss home as much as I miss the people I was with when I was home. This is more about my friends than my family.

I'm one of those weird people who enjoy spending time by myself more than with others, so I can feel this initial period of vague homesickness is going to be a bit of a barrier to get over.

Thanks for these tips! I'll try them soon!

Ananasboat
October 23rd, 2015, 11:38
I eat super market pizza and drink a couple beers.

Not really because I'm homesick, but because I miss the food a lot. My *slight* autism gives me the advantage of not really caring about people back home.

Virgil
October 23rd, 2015, 11:57
I eat super market pizza and drink a couple beers.

Not really because I'm homesick, but because I miss the food a lot. My *slight* autism gives me the advantage of not really caring about people back home.

This. It helps to be completely emotionally disconnected at all times.

word
October 23rd, 2015, 11:58
Yeh I've been here for over six years and have barely missed anyone. MG had a slightly rougher time, but she's a lot closer to most of her family than I am, plus, she's a much nicer person than I, so she has moar friends.

We have each other, which helped a lot. Mebbe my first year (before she came over) was rough? But I don't remember it that way; it seems pretty awesome to look back on it.

Weirdly, I think this experience has made me a little more appreciative of a few of my family members. My friends are awesome and will be every bit as friendly when I get back, so I'm not worried about them. My old roommate and I were hanging out like I'd nevar been gone when I dropped back by for a visit; we've seriously discussed rooming again when MG and I cruise back home (ghey, I know, but I don't care; he's awesome and would be a kickarse adult roommate).

Ini
October 23rd, 2015, 12:34
The only home I have ever known is at the bottom of a glass and luckily they have them in most countries so I've never really experienced this "homesickness" of which you speak.

Zolrak 22
October 23rd, 2015, 12:47
The only home I have ever known is at the bottom of a glass and luckily they have them in most countries so I've never really experienced this "homesickness" of which you speak.
Your philosophy is one to be admired and envied. [emoji75]

Virgil
October 23rd, 2015, 13:21
The only home I have ever known is at the bottom of a glass and luckily they have them in most countries so I've never really experienced this "homesickness" of which you speak.

SING ME A SONG YOU'RE THE PIANO MAN...

Zolrak 22
October 23rd, 2015, 13:30
SING ME A SONG YOU'RE THE PIANO MAN...
[emoji441] Sing us a song tonight [emoji445]

moonbeam
October 23rd, 2015, 14:08
I go to difference places and shop my feelings.

But I dunno, I haven't really felt that homesick. I kind of love my solitary life in the mountains.

Oh, but Tokyo Disneyland is almost like a mini-vacation from Japan. It's so ~western~.

word
October 23rd, 2015, 15:13
Oh, but Tokyo Disneyland is almost like a mini-vacation from Japan. It's so ~western~.

It really is; they ought to just call it "Americaland" or some sh*t.

weepinbell
October 23rd, 2015, 15:27
I'm going to USJ tomorrow, maybe that'll Americaland enough to get me by.

uthinkimlost?
October 23rd, 2015, 15:32
I'm going to USJ tomorrow, maybe that'll Americaland enough to get me by.

The strip mall outside it is.

acpc2203
October 23rd, 2015, 16:28
I'm trying to get into a daily routine, it has been pretty successful outside of the part where I'm supposed to study Japanese instead of watching TV or playing video games. And going out to some restaurants near you is a good idea, found a nice coffee shop and a crepe place just wandering around in my town.

johnny
October 23rd, 2015, 17:12
Jogging and biking always put me in a really good mood. They allowed me to explore my little city and it kind of made it feel like home.

Also, go out for beers with friends! Like Mr. Charisma said, try not to pick the miserable pricks who will just bitch and complain either (that's what ITIL is for).

Go see a movie! I was lucky because I had a nice theatre about five minutes away from me, and I would go see movies from time to time. I'd go to the arcade first from time to time, and sometimes one of my students would embarrass me by licking me at that drum game.

Oooh, try a new restaurant too. I liked doing that.

Finally, if you have any "happy" movies or shows, watch those. Some of the shows and movies that make me happy are the Haratio Hornblower series, Dredd, the Sharpe series, the Running Man, Master and Commander and Conan (the Arnie version of course).

Saga
October 23rd, 2015, 18:46
For me, what seems to help is watching some American TV/movies, eating food I really like, and going to visit my former host family as often as I can. People who know and like me! Wow, what a nice feeling.

Meanwhile, I'm working on trying to make connections in my town. Hanging out with coworkers, and (oddly enough) parents from the PTA really lifts my spirits.

Ebi
October 24th, 2015, 12:22
I'll be honest, homesickness never really hit me hard. I think a big part of that is because I call home every weekend and occasionally chat with people back home via FB, so I still feel connected. Moving away for college probably helped me prepare for JET too since I got to experience the shock of being physically isolated from friends and family without also going through culture shock. It was a lot easier moving to Japan in some ways since I no longer had high expectations for anyone to go out of their way to keep in touch.


I'm trying to get into a daily routine, it has been pretty successful outside of the part where I'm supposed to study Japanese instead of watching TV or playing video games. And going out to some restaurants near you is a good idea, found a nice coffee shop and a crepe place just wandering around in my town.
I wouldn't recommend torturing yourself by watching Japanese TV (I certainly wish I didn't have to) but have you tried watching any movies in Japanese? I used to practice my listening by renting movies in Japanese that I'd already seen in English since I could understand the plot without subtitles or use only Japanese subtitles.

You could play games in Japanese too, but that might require some investment since some systems are region locked. Second hand DS Lites are super cheap here and are region free so you can play any DS games (except 3DS) in Japanese or English. Used DS games are super cheap too.

ambrosse
October 24th, 2015, 16:00
I've definitely finished the honeymoon phase as well, but over a month ago. Culture shock comes quicker out here in the inaka.
However, there is a lot too do. I go on photo hunts and drive around a random area I've been curious about and take photos.

I do have to say that I've felt significantly less homesick since my schools began inviting me to do things (fishing, field trips, etc). Ask how you can get involved. :)

Fantasylife
October 26th, 2015, 06:12
My honeymoon phase ended the first night I set foot in my apartment, but I'm not homesick. I think what has helped keep homesickness at bay is the experience of having lived abroad before and also knowing I'll be outta Japan for good next year.

mrcharisma
October 26th, 2015, 07:42
My honeymoon phase ended the first night I set foot in my apartment, but I'm not homesick. I think what has helped keep homesickness at bay is the experience of having lived abroad before and also knowing I'll be outta Japan for good next year.

You are a ray of sunshine aren't you? Bet you're popular at school.

webstaa
October 26th, 2015, 08:20
Every time I go to Tokyo, I realize how much I get stuck in my own inaka-hole lifestyle in the middle of Tokyo. Maybe I should look for some jobs closer to a metropolitan center. Even if it's just for the food culture...

Zolrak 22
October 26th, 2015, 08:21
My honeymoon phase ended the first night I set foot in my apartment

*hugs*

We are here for you. [emoji192]

mothy
October 26th, 2015, 08:42
Getting homesick would require feeling something other than numb inside.

Virgil
October 26th, 2015, 08:45
Getting homesick would require you liking your home. I get homesick when I'm living near home.

uthinkimlost?
October 26th, 2015, 08:48
Texas hate is like when people hate Comic Sans or Papyrus. They do it because everyone else does it.

Because everyone is sheep.

Virgil
October 26th, 2015, 09:00
Texas hate is like when people hate Comic Sans or Papyrus. They do it because everyone else does it.

Because everyone is sheep.

Is this in the wrong thread? It's related to my post, but the actual Texas hate is elsewhere. I didn't hate Texas specifically here - just the place I'm from. Texas is a big place man.

uthinkimlost?
October 26th, 2015, 09:05
Is this in the wrong thread? It's related to my post, but the actual Texas hate is elsewhere. I didn't hate Texas specifically here - just the place I'm from. Texas is a big place man.

Huh. I guess I did.

No, I get that.


I often find my self saying things like 'Texas is a great place to live' and 'I really like Texas, actually'.

Texas-bashing is just fashionable at the moment, is all.

acpc2203
October 26th, 2015, 09:29
I wouldn't recommend torturing yourself by watching Japanese TV (I certainly wish I didn't have to) but have you tried watching any movies in Japanese? I used to practice my listening by renting movies in Japanese that I'd already seen in English since I could understand the plot without subtitles or use only Japanese subtitles.

You could play games in Japanese too, but that might require some investment since some systems are region locked. Second hand DS Lites are super cheap here and are region free so you can play any DS games (except 3DS) in Japanese or English. Used DS games are super cheap too.
Yeah I basically keep it on as background noise, though I like the history shows where they go in depth on strategy and such. I've been playing GTA V, the Witcher 3, and the Halo collection in Japanese on my xbox one. I have trouble understanding what is going in the Witcher at times but the others I do ok with. I would get a DS but since I don't take a train or anything to work I wouldn't have much time where I would play it, might pick one up before I go on a bus trip or something though.

Frap
October 26th, 2015, 09:35
I know if I bought a ps4/xbone, I'd never leave the house!

Virgil
October 26th, 2015, 11:05
Texas-bashing is just fashionable at the moment, is all.

Yeah, and I do frequently find myself defending it. At the same time, there's a lot of stuff to hate. Mostly the ubiquity of religious zealots.

Lorenzo
October 26th, 2015, 15:37
I feel like I've barely experienced homesickness, but I think being in Tokyo helps with that. There's so many expats here that you can afford to be more selective in regards to who you hang out with.

Fantasylife
October 26th, 2015, 18:46
You are a ray of sunshine aren't you? Bet you're popular at school.

Actually I am :)

Lots of smiles, lots of hellos, a number of gifts from faculty and students.

I might be a sourpuss on here but I know how to keep that shit in check at work.

Zolrak 22
October 26th, 2015, 19:40
I feel like I've barely experienced homesickness, but I think being in Tokyo helps with that.

The more I hear about your JET experience, the more jealous I become. [emoji14]

I would imagine I'm not the only one.

Gizmotech
October 26th, 2015, 20:36
If you knew all the shit relative to living in the inaka, I'm sure you wouldn't be jealous. The more I hear about Tokyo jets, the happier I ended up in a 70k city on the other coast.

Ebi
October 26th, 2015, 21:10
If you knew all the shit relative to living in the inaka, I'm sure you wouldn't be jealous. The more I hear about Tokyo jets, the happier I ended up in a 70k city on the other coast.
Same. I'm not inaka, but I'm very happy I got my placement instead of Tokyo. It's nice to visit, but I don't think I'd ever want to live there.

(But different strokes for different folks. Obviously Tokyo appeals to a lot of people.)

mrcharisma
October 26th, 2015, 21:15
Could we stop raining on Lorenzo's parade please. If we were all offered transfers to Tokyo tomorrow 90% of us would take it without even thinking twice.

Gizmotech
October 26th, 2015, 21:21
I wouldn't. Duck that shit. Living in Tokyo on our pay is just stupid. Much better in the sticks. Unless of course you can't live without going to a club.

Jiggit
October 26th, 2015, 21:34
I. would, because bars and young people. And fuck my school. Shoulda left 2 years ago.

Gizmotech
October 26th, 2015, 21:36
And fuck my school. Shoulda left 2 years ago.

I think we all say that after year four.

Ananasboat
October 26th, 2015, 22:01
I. would, because bars and young people. And fuck my school. Shoulda left 2 years ago.

Jiggit is the 10%! Get him!!

Lorenzo
October 27th, 2015, 13:08
I wouldn't. Duck that shit. Living in Tokyo on our pay is just stupid.

I can understand preferring to be in the boonies if that's what you like, but that's ridiculous. I pay 72000 a month in rent (not including other apartment expenses), and I feel like I have more money than I've ever had. If you're supporting someone else, I imagine it's different, but there are people who make considerably less than the ~240000 a month we make and do fine. Living in Tokyo on the JET wage is comfortable.

Gizmotech
October 27th, 2015, 13:15
Where as I pay 11000 a month, drop about 15000 into my car, and go out and have fun with the rest.

weepinbell
October 27th, 2015, 13:20
Damn 72000 minus utilities? Is it a little shoebox thing? That sounds shitty to me, but you're right it's still doable all things considered.

uthinkimlost?
October 27th, 2015, 14:03
What are the residents taxes in Tokyo? Do the BoEs still pay those on the new contracts?

re: the main topic

If you have nothing else to pay for and are just coming out of uni, I'm sure the pay seems grand. If you want to actually build a life, it ain't much.

I wouldn't say inaka living is the only way to do it. I'd really have enjoyed being closer to a decent-sized city. However, I would not have enjoyed a Tokyo placement, I think.

Lorenzo
October 27th, 2015, 14:23
Where as I pay 11000 a month, drop about 15000 into my car, and go out and have fun with the rest.

I'm sure you do mate. Obviously you have more disposable income than me, but you said that living in Tokyo on our pay is stupid, and that is in no way true.

@weep - Yeah, it's a tiny shoebox, but I'm hardly ever there so I'm not too bothered.

Ini
October 27th, 2015, 14:33
15000 a month on the car seems suspiciously low to me.....

weepinbell
October 27th, 2015, 14:33
@weep - Yeah, it's a tiny shoebox, but I'm hardly ever there so I'm not too bothered.
Yeah I do too, but I think it's a lot less terrorizing when I know I'm not paying upwards of 7 man for it at the end of the month lol. I guess you Tokyo people are actually IN the city, so there's no way to escape it. I'm 30min outside of the city here with some pretty generous subsidies for my shoebox... maybe not as generous as Gizmo's 1 man rent, but ya know. There's definitely a bit of a price tag with every urban placement, but I can't say I mind it too much.

Gizmotech
October 27th, 2015, 14:39
15000 a month on the car seems suspiciously low to me.....

Gas. Unit is purchased, and random parts failures is another issue entirely...

acpc2203
October 27th, 2015, 15:36
I really like where I am, pretty much everything I need is in my town or the small city which is next to it. If I need anything more there are larger cities like 30 minutes away. Just need to find the right bar and I'm good to go.

weepinbell
October 27th, 2015, 15:43
Yeah, getting sorta back on topic here, to be honest the bars are a huge part of why I love being in a suburb. I'm sure it's like this with inaka too, but they're really small and home-y. In the city you've got 'small' bars, too, but they're almost always super packed. I've gotten to know a few bartenders in my suburb really well, though. One of them lived around where I'm from for a long time, so her English is great and it's nice to talk about things from home with her. She's like my Japanese mom who sells me too much beer....

mothy
October 27th, 2015, 15:51
For the bar thing it really just depends on where in the city you live. Sure, if when you say Tokyo you mean the area around Shibuya, then, sure, it's gonna be crowded. But if you live in or travel to a less bustling part of the city you can easily find the smaller, more rural style bar experience.
I live in a rather populous area but it's usually me and a handful of regulars at my favorite bar on my thursday night drinking sessions.

Ini
October 27th, 2015, 16:07
Gas. Unit is purchased, and random parts failures is another issue entirely...

Even so..... That's only like a tank and a half of gas a month not including your insurance. I thought all you young JETs were off traveling every weekend?

Jiggit
October 27th, 2015, 16:12
Are we seriously spending our time pondering what gizmo does to "go out and have fun"?

Might as well ask what Gezora thinks about Japanese women or what Haitch thinks about women.

weepinbell
October 27th, 2015, 16:16
For the bar thing it really just depends on where in the city you live. Sure, if when you say Tokyo you mean the area around Shibuya, then, sure, it's gonna be crowded. But if you live in or travel to a less bustling part of the city you can easily find the smaller, more rural style bar experience.
I live in a rather populous area but it's usually me and a handful of regulars at my favorite bar on my thursday night drinking sessions.

True, I'm sure if you look around you can still find that experience in the city, but IMO it's nice having easy access to that without dealing with train/city crowds when you're not up for it.

Gizmotech
October 27th, 2015, 16:17
Even so..... That's only like a tank and a half of gas a month not including your insurance. I thought all you young JETs were off traveling every weekend?

Insurance? LOL

And ya... I don't travel on weekends, I drink. A lot.

johnny
October 28th, 2015, 16:09
If you knew all the shit relative to living in the inaka, I'm sure you wouldn't be jealous. The more I hear about Tokyo jets, the happier I ended up in a 70k city on the other coast.

Agreed.

uthinkimlost?
October 28th, 2015, 16:17
I read this thread about people being homesick and can't help but feel that I'm somehow broken inside.

http://i.imgur.com/w45yTkM.jpg

I do miss seeing family more often, I guess...

Jiggit
October 28th, 2015, 16:37
I read this thread about people being homesick and can't help but feel that I'm somehow broken inside.

http://i.imgur.com/w45yTkM.jpg

I do miss seeing family more often, I guess...

Don't worry, buddy, you're as normal as I am!

uthinkimlost?
October 28th, 2015, 17:13
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--Pdb_neED--/1406213189666183567.jpg

webstaa
October 29th, 2015, 08:17
I read this thread about people being homesick and can't help but feel that I'm somehow broken inside.

http://i.imgur.com/w45yTkM.jpg

I do miss seeing family more often, I guess...

I don't get homesick for people. Well, I guess I want to see a couple members of my family, but all-in-all the last couple years of living on the far side of the planet have been good for me.

I do get homesick for food - cheap Mexican? Oh yeah. Shitty quality pizza with American style toppings? Even more.

mothy
October 29th, 2015, 08:23
Being unable to make close connections to family and friends is a hallmark of JETs.

Gizmotech
October 29th, 2015, 08:41
Being unable to make close connections to family and friends is a hallmark of JETs.
Funny,

I always find there are two types of ALTs for friends/family.
1) I NEED TO SKYPE YOU EVERY NIGHT CUZ THE WORLD HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST TWO HOURS... not here of course... BUT YOU NEED TO TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT BACK HOME OMG WTF BBQ
2)Ya bro, when I see ya, I see ya.

It's not about being unable to make close connections, more that I think those "distant" ALTs just are confident in the friendships and connections they have that they don't need to give them daily maintenance.

Also what I wouldn't give for a bar with more than one type of beer on tap from more than one manufacturer....

Jiggit
October 29th, 2015, 08:44
I think it's mostly either people who are weirdly distant from their families and think that's normal in this day and age or people who are actively running away from them.

Frap
October 29th, 2015, 08:52
I think it's mostly either people who are weirdly distant from their families and think that's normal in this day and age or people who are actively running away from them.

Mostly? That's a pretty big generalisation!

acpc2203
October 29th, 2015, 08:53
Also what I wouldn't give for a bar with more than one type of beer on tap from more than one manufacturer....
I found a great bar, but it is in a city that is an hour away, had THREE beers on tap including Guiness. Good food too. Nice for a monthly visit though.

Jiggit
October 29th, 2015, 08:55
Also what I wouldn't give for a bar with more than one type of beer on tap from more than one manufacturer....

Like they have in big cities, you mean?

uthinkimlost?
October 29th, 2015, 08:59
a pretty big generalisation!

Fun Fact #178: Giz calls his penis A Pretty Big Generalization.

Gizmotech
October 29th, 2015, 09:04
Like they have in big cities, you mean?

Ya... but somehow having to travel to get that experience basically invalidates it to me. I want it local damnit...


Fun Fact #178: Giz calls his penis A Pretty Big Generalization.
DO I EVER!

Jiggit
October 29th, 2015, 09:06
Ya... but somehow having to travel to get that experience basically invalidates it to me. I want it local damnit...

Imagine living in a big city! You'd be able to go without travelling at all!

Virgil
October 29th, 2015, 13:22
I think it's mostly either people who are weirdly distant from their families and think that's normal in this day and age or people who are actively running away from them.

Somewhere in my life I realized that family is just obligatory friends. If you had nothing in common with someone and constantly fought, why would you continue being friends with them? I don't get family. I don't owe you anything because you did a normal thing that normal humans do (and apparently can't resist, ya fucking horn dogs)

With that said I have a relatively healthy, if distant relationship with my family. I'm a loner through and through - so I don't need someone constantly propping me up emotionally or financially. This probably came from necessity since my family is both emotionally and financially destitute.

Family is not required for a fulfilling life. Rant over.

Ananasboat
October 29th, 2015, 13:35
Somewhere in my life I realized that family is just obligatory friends. If you had nothing in common with someone and constantly fought, why would you continue being friends with them? I don't get family. I don't owe you anything because you did a normal thing that normal humans do (and apparently can't resist, ya fucking horn dogs)

With that said I have a relatively healthy, if distant relationship with my family. I'm a loner through and through - so I don't need someone constantly propping me up emotionally or financially. This probably came from necessity since my family is both emotionally and financially destitute.

Family is not required for a fulfilling life. Rant over.

There are two kinds of family. Family of birth, and family of choice.

My family of birth includes people with scary levels of bi-polar. A neurotic, manipulative pair of mother figures. Religious nutjobs. You name it.

My bipolar brother is dangerous, and has been dangerous at me in the past. My mom, for whatever reason thinks that when she's dead and gone that I have to "take care of him," and when I tell her its not happening she gets upset because "he's family!" No. Just because you also gave birth to him does not mean that I am obligated to be his crutch to support him for when he refuses to medicate himself and beats his girlfriends up. It's not my job to offer my home up to my mother, who tells me that because I'm the only successful child of hers that I'm going to buy her a house when I'm older. I'm not obligated to listen to my grandmother tell me that I'm an awful child because I wont listen to her telling me that I'm an awful child.

No, I'm sorry. I didn't ask to get born in this situation. I'm not obligated to support these people just because my mother chose to have me and raise me.

Besides, the whole saying goes, "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

Edit: Guys, I'm sorry. I didn't bring my coffee with me this morning I'm way angrier than I usually am.

Frap
October 29th, 2015, 13:37
What is happening?

mothy
October 29th, 2015, 13:41
I didn't make my comment to be mean. The amount of JETs with a relationship with their family that lies somewhere between disinterested and open hatred is large enough it can't be coincidence.

Virgil
October 29th, 2015, 13:42
What is happening?

Shit got real man. I'm beginning to see a pattern coalesce.

Edit: Yeah moosey beat me to it. He's probably right.

Ananasboat
October 29th, 2015, 13:50
I didn't make my comment to be mean. The amount of JETs with a relationship with their family that lies somewhere between disinterested and open hatred is large enough it can't be coincidence.

At least in my case I've left the country to be my own person outside the grips of my family. I can imagine that other people share that desire.

Sorry for going all "I need therapy but wont admit that in Japan" on you guys.

Jiggit
October 29th, 2015, 14:57
Family is not required for a fulfilling life. Rant over.

Being able to cut people off who you've developed a relationship with for probably more than 2 decades is pretty weird. They're human beings who you've had an intimate social relationship with for longer than anyone else, probably. I mean, I realise I'm lucky. I think my dad is one of the kindest, most intelligent men I've ever met. My mother is a caring, hardworking and hilarious human being who I respect infinitely. But even my sister who's been a dumbass and a pain in the ass for most of the past 5 years is someone I care about. Even if they have flaws, even if they have a lot of flaws, wanting to cut them off is stranger than wanting to maintain a relationship with them, regardless of blood relations or whatever.

It's like you guys think it's par for the course that everyone's families are made up of terrible people and we're only sticking with them because society tells us to. Like mothy is saying, you (and other JETs) are the odd ones out here.

Frap
October 29th, 2015, 15:14
Ya I love my family!

Ananasboat
October 29th, 2015, 15:19
It's like you guys think it's par for the course that everyone's families are made up of terrible people and we're only sticking with them because society tells us to. Like mothy is saying, you (and other JETs) are the odd ones out here.

I don't think any of us are saying that all families are dysfunctional. I'm saying that mine is and that's why I don't like being around them, and there are probably other people who do as well.

I'm pretty jealous of the whole, "my family is perfect" people. If my whole family was like my dad's side of the family, life would be grand. In fact, I get along splendidly with my dad's side.

Ebi
October 29th, 2015, 16:58
My immediate family is great, but my extended family is kind of "meh". But it really shocked me to find out how many of my friends came from "dysfunctional families". Virtually all of my friends in high school had absentee parents, parents that had messy divorces, or just awful parents. My closest friend in elementary school was raised by her crazy grandparents since her dad murdered her mom.

Zolrak 22
October 29th, 2015, 17:40
My immediate family is great

Ya I love my family!


It's like you guys think it's par for the course that everyone's families are made up of terrible people and we're only sticking with them because society tells us to. Like mothy is saying, you (and other JETs) are the odd ones out here.

I'd like to believe you are in the minority, it's what's letting me sleep at night anyway. [emoji75]

mrcharisma
October 29th, 2015, 17:45
There are two kinds of family. Family of birth, and family of choice.

My family of birth includes people with scary levels of bi-polar. A neurotic, manipulative pair of mother figures. Religious nutjobs. You name it.

My bipolar brother is dangerous, and has been dangerous at me in the past. My mom, for whatever reason thinks that when she's dead and gone that I have to "take care of him," and when I tell her its not happening she gets upset because "he's family!" No. Just because you also gave birth to him does not mean that I am obligated to be his crutch to support him for when he refuses to medicate himself and beats his girlfriends up. It's not my job to offer my home up to my mother, who tells me that because I'm the only successful child of hers that I'm going to buy her a house when I'm older. I'm not obligated to listen to my grandmother tell me that I'm an awful child because I wont listen to her telling me that I'm an awful child.

No, I'm sorry. I didn't ask to get born in this situation. I'm not obligated to support these people just because my mother chose to have me and raise me.

Besides, the whole saying goes, "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

Edit: Guys, I'm sorry. I didn't bring my coffee with me this morning I'm way angrier than I usually am.

Chat to your boyfriend if you want to feel better. Your situation is like The Brady Bunch compared to the average Glaswegian family.

Ini
October 29th, 2015, 18:42
Being able to cut people off who you've developed a relationship with for probably more than 2 decades is pretty weird. They're human beings who you've had an intimate social relationship with for longer than anyone else, probably. I mean, I realise I'm lucky. I think my dad is one of the kindest, most intelligent men I've ever met. My mother is a caring, hardworking and hilarious human being who I respect infinitely. But even my sister who's been a dumbass and a pain in the ass for most of the past 5 years is someone I care about. Even if they have flaws, even if they have a lot of flaws, wanting to cut them off is stranger than wanting to maintain a relationship with them, regardless of blood relations or whatever.

It's like you guys think it's par for the course that everyone's families are made up of terrible people and we're only sticking with them because society tells us to. Like mothy is saying, you (and other JETs) are the odd ones out here.
i thought you came from a broken home?

Ananasboat
October 30th, 2015, 22:20
Chat to your boyfriend if you want to feel better. Your situation is like The Brady Bunch compared to the average Glaswegian family.

He's told me about his family a bit, and even they seem to get along better than mine. Sorta jealous, tbh.