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Tiv
May 20th, 2007, 04:47
I need some help here. Former Jets or current Jets, please help!

I'm a current 1st Year JET. In February, I signed the re-contracting form.

I thought everything was fine until recently, I'm having so much pressure from my boyfriend that I don't think I can stay for the 2nd year. Havn't had good sleeps and I think it will affect my teaching if this pressure continues so I want to go home. :cry:

Would it be too late to cancel my 2nd year contract with my organization? Will they let me go home? Please Help!

keekers
May 20th, 2007, 05:14
Is your boyfriend in your home country? If so, and you're enjoying Japan otherwise, I think you should just break it off with him and stay.

LaurenRox
May 20th, 2007, 05:31
I actually agree, likely against the wishes of some alternates.

If you are otherwise having a great time and don't have definitive marriage plans in the future, why would you want to stay with someone who wants to rob you of your experience?

I just see that you are 23, and I would TOTALLY hold a grudge for the rest of my life if I gave up this opportunity for someone who I broke up with 2 or 3 years down the line.

PunkInDrublic
May 20th, 2007, 09:00
"Pressure from my boyfriend"? What's that? "I'm gunna break up with you if you do a 2nd year on JET"? If that's the case then it seems like she has already made up her mind about her priorities and she is choosing her boyfriend. End of story. I don't see why telling her to break up with her boyfriend is really relavent to her question.

That question basically being: "What happens if you break your contract?" I really don't know, but I've heard of JETs doing it...

PunkInDrublic
May 20th, 2007, 09:02
And just for the record I'd totally break up with my girl back home if she was pressuring me :lol:

Ini
May 20th, 2007, 09:35
of course you can leave, that shitty piece of paper saying you intended to recontract doesnt mean shit. You don't sign the offical second year contract until the first one has expired. Go home, marry kevin and shoot out some kids while he descends into alcoholism and starts to beat you.

kiwimusume
May 20th, 2007, 10:15
I'm with LaurenRox and Keekers. I think he needs to get over himself. Putting pressure on your partner to cut short an experience like this is selfish asshole behaviour.

But that said, from what I've heard, although it is frowned on to break contract late, I don't think they can actually stop you. It's not like they can't find anyone to replace you. *nods to alternates*

Tiv
May 20th, 2007, 10:24
thanks guys for the replies.

but to be honest, I'm not having a good time in Japan.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we do plan to marry. It makes everything so much difficult. If I was to be with my boyfriend for 2 or 3 years, I won't be so upset.

psychohistoric
May 20th, 2007, 10:28
Go home. Just sit down and talk to your CO as soon as possible so they can get the ball rolling on getting another ALT. If you wait too long you might screw them out of an ALT next year. Be honest with them and explain the situation to them so they can understand where you're coming from. Hopefully, if you do that, the remainder of your contract will be a pleasant experience and they won't hold a grudge. However, I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Good luck.

PunkInDrublic
May 20th, 2007, 10:52
I'm with LaurenRox and Keekers. I think he needs to get over himself. Putting pressure on your partner to cut short an experience like this is selfish asshole behaviour.


Wait, I'm a guy...aren't we supposed to be the dense ones? Was I honestly the only one to read between the lines in the OP? She's obviously in love with the mofo and has decided that the relationship is more important than JET...

I know we all wanna play Oprah but she's not asking for relationship advice here people :roll: ...but merely about what would happen if a JET breaks his/her contract (or promise that they'd stay another year)...

kiwimusume
May 20th, 2007, 11:19
I'm with LaurenRox and Keekers. I think he needs to get over himself. Putting pressure on your partner to cut short an experience like this is selfish asshole behaviour.


Wait, I'm a guy...aren't we supposed to be the dense ones? Was I honestly the only one to read between the lines in the OP? She's obviously in love with the mofo and has decided that the relationship is more important than JET...

I know we all wanna play Oprah but she's not asking for relationship advice here people :roll: ...but merely about what would happen if a JET breaks his/her contract (or promise that they'd stay another year)...

Which you'll notice that I wrote right below the part you quoted? Or did you not read that far? Here you go:


But that said, from what I've heard, although it is frowned on to break contract late, I don't think they can actually stop you. It's not like they can't find anyone to replace you. *nods to alternates*

I'm not trying to play Oprah, I'm just saying I think he's a twat for pressuring her.

samesong
May 20th, 2007, 11:40
I'm with LaurenRox and Keekers. I think he needs to get over himself. Putting pressure on your partner to cut short an experience like this is selfish asshole behaviour.


Wait, I'm a guy...aren't we supposed to be the dense ones? Was I honestly the only one to read between the lines in the OP? She's obviously in love with the mofo and has decided that the relationship is more important than JET...

I know we all wanna play Oprah but she's not asking for relationship advice here people :roll: ...but merely about what would happen if a JET breaks his/her contract (or promise that they'd stay another year)...

Which you'll notice that I wrote right below the part you quoted? Or did you not read that far? Here you go:


But that said, from what I've heard, although it is frowned on to break contract late, I don't think they can actually stop you. It's not like they can't find anyone to replace you. *nods to alternates*

I'm not trying to play Oprah, I'm just saying I think he's a twat for pressuring her.

You can't say that without knowing all the facts though. For all we know, she might have already promised to come back after a year, or at least inferred that once her contract was up, she'd return home. Then maybe at the end of her stay she might have decided to recontract

Now, if I was that guy, I'd sure as hell be just as "selfish" if I waited an entire year for my girlfriend to come back, and then all of a sudden she has thoughts of staying for another year. I couldn't do it, and I would definitely give the bitch an ultimatum: come back or break up with me.

LaurenRox
May 20th, 2007, 12:04
Wait, I'm a guy...aren't we supposed to be the dense ones? Was I honestly the only one to read between the lines in the OP? She's obviously in love with the mofo and has decided that the relationship is more important than JET...

Then why did she even think of recontracting? And then go through with it? Obviously she thought the relationship could last 1 more year. And obviously, she TOLD the guy back when she was deciding to recontract and then going through with it, and he just suddenly decided to give her a hard time?

So, yes, it seems to me that guys are the dense ones. :)


I know we all wanna play Oprah but she's not asking for relationship advice here people :roll: ...but merely about what would happen if a JET breaks his/her contract (or promise that they'd stay another year)...

I realize this. I also realize she was asking advise of current or former JETs, of which I am neither (well, not a current JET in Japan anyway). I just wanted to give a different perspective. If I had gone with my silly heart instead of the bigger picture when I was 23, I would...not be where I am today.

KateW
May 20th, 2007, 12:52
I'm sorry you're going through this Tiv, I myself am in a long distance relationship as a first year JET. In my case I got lucky - but that's not the issue here.

Were I you, I'd at least go to Kobe/Tokyo, since if you leave before the contract is officially fufilled you'll have to pay for that anyway. Do a lot of thinking, and soul-searching. I'd give myself until July if I were in your shoes, so that at least an Alternate could be bumped up and given the low-down in time for an August arrival, so that your school would feel the least amount of effect.

IMO, JET is really a once in a life-time experience. I'm sorry he's giving you that kind of ultimatum, but I have to wonder how good he is for you if he's not supportive of something you love, even if it brings difficult times and challenges.

Good luck.

Tiv
May 20th, 2007, 13:03
Now, if I was that guy, I'd sure as hell be just as "selfish" if I waited an entire year for my girlfriend to come back, and then all of a sudden she has thoughts of staying for another year. I couldn't do it, and I would definitely give the bitch an ultimatum: come back or break up with me.

That's exactly what I did. I told him I was only going for 1 year. He agreed to wait for 1 year. But then I told him that I'm stay for the 2nd when thought everything went ok...

But, no I wouldn't break my 1st year contract, I would stay til end of July. I should finish what I started..... but for the 2nd year.... I don't want to stay...

kiki
May 20th, 2007, 13:41
thanks guys for the replies.

but to be honest, I'm not having a good time in Japan.


You need to do what will make you happy.

If you decided to leave rather than recontract, I think you should let your CO know as soon as possible, so that they are allowed enough time to find an ALT for next year.

lains
May 20th, 2007, 13:54
I agree with others that JET is a once in a lifetime experience, but sometimes great love is as well. Teaching in Japan for a few years versus planning a life with another person is a very big difference.

And even though some people like to believe in the ideal that "if they really love you, theyll support you no matter what", everyone has their limits and personal agendas.

I am so happy to be going on JET, and am very lucky FK and I got placed together - but if we werent, well JET is an experience, but so is living your life with the person you love.
What would be a bigger regret? Not spending a year overseas, or losing the love of your life?

Im not saying that I am strongly for or against the OP going home, before people start getting angsty, but I think that its hard to make judgements on a relationship of someone we dont know, and Im just trying to put out an alternative opinion.

Good luck Tiv :)

dombay
May 20th, 2007, 17:07
of course you can leave, that shitty piece of paper saying you intended to recontract doesnt mean shit. You don't sign the offical second year contract until the first one has expired. Go home, marry kevin and shoot out some kids while he descends into alcoholism and starts to beat you.

I know he's just trying to be funny and though I wouldn't have worded it that way myself i agree with him.

Ini
May 20th, 2007, 17:44
Fucking bunch of silly wankers!

How many of you have been on 3 years of the JET program?


listen to your elders and betters

547
May 20th, 2007, 18:33
To give you the official type stuff - the model contract has a 30 days notice period in it - check if yours is the same before you say or do anything, as it will effect your plans.

I know of JETs leaving midway through their contracts - as long as they work out the notice its fine.

Obviously tell your BoE asap once you've made a decision, so they can get on with getting someone new in.

If you find it difficult explaining what / why etc to your BoE its something you could ask a PA to help you with.

dombay
May 20th, 2007, 18:41
What are they going to do if you just stop turning up for work. By the time they work it out you could be on Patpong road.

547
May 20th, 2007, 19:28
Obviously thats another approach. If you tell them your off at the end of the year they'll have to pay for you to fly home.

wicket
May 20th, 2007, 19:53
Tiv, if you have made up your mind not to stay, then tell your CO as soon as you can. I would advise NOT going to the recontracting conference, since if you break your contract after that, you will almost certainly be asked to pay them back for sending you there. It sounds like you have already done your "soul-searching".
In answer to Ini, I've had a fair stretch on JET before, and staying on was a contributing factor to my breaking up the relationship I had then (but it turned out to be a good thing for me).
You schools will probably be disappointed but understanding; and I'm sure they don't want to keep you here if it's going to make you unhappy.
Please DON'T wait until July - it may seem like that's still plenty of time to bring over an alternate for the August orientations, but it's not. If CLAIR don't know by the end of May, people start getting sent to orientation C instead, because it takes a while for them to get the final paperwork and visas through.
Whatever you decide, best of luck. It won't be easy, but in 6 months time things will seem much better.

piinku
May 21st, 2007, 09:22
First of all - do you want to leave Japan only because of him, or are you getting tired of it as well? Everyone has their low points (i.e., omfg this country drives me insane!) moments here, but is it an ongoing thing that won't go away?

If it's just temporary and you're enjoying your time here overall, couldn't he try and come over? Are you in a decent-sized city with some eikaiwas around?

If that's just not possible, and you are absolutely sure he's worth it, then go home. Just make sure he's sure to and is aware of what you're giving up.

I've heard that Jets *might* have to pay back the Kobe/Tokyo conference if they go and don't re-contract, but that was just a rumor. Double check with your PA or someone before you go to that - 2 nights in the Keio and your transport there would suck to have to pay back.

Good luck! <3

Omega037
May 21st, 2007, 09:49
If it makes things easier, a well placed lie about a sick family member, incredible job offer, or religious issue might make things easier for them to swallow.

"I wanted to recontract, but my mother is sick in the hospital from an injury she sustained getting me a great job opportunity which I am forced to accept due to my religion, Radical Islam."

Tiv
May 21st, 2007, 22:45
thanks to you all for your replies.

This morning, I got to my office early and told my supervisor. I think from now on he will hate me more. (he never liked me anyways)
But it was the hardest conversation ever. I told the truth and I kept apologising. I felt so guilty as if I have killed someone.

I feel relieved now and happy in a way that I only have 10 weeks left in here. Although I will miss this life but I hate some parts of it that I couldn't change,too.

So, there we go. Here's another spot for the alternate! I hope she's going to enjoy here more than I do!

wicket
May 21st, 2007, 23:16
Hey Tiv, that took some guts. Well done and all the best for a happy life back in NZ with your very own thingo (as long as he's not like Dombay's one!)

kiwimusume
May 21st, 2007, 23:17
Hey Tiv, that took some guts. Well done and all the best for a happy life back in NZ with your very own thingo (as long as he's not like Dombay's one!)

What, gay? 8O

filmic
May 21st, 2007, 23:39
Hey Tiv, that took some guts. Well done and all the best for a happy life back in NZ with your very own thingo (as long as he's not like Dombay's one!)

What, gay? 8O

:D Here's hoping for her sake!!

Seriously, good luck Tiv and yeah if you feel relieved then it probably means that you made the right decision, eh? And you've made an alternate somewhere very happy!

Hyakuman
May 22nd, 2007, 03:54
Good luck to you on your return home! When I first read this post, I was more like "if you're boyfriend is wanting you to leave, then he's really selfish!". Judging from your response though, it sounds like deep down inside you were also looking for a way out, maybe dreading that talk with your supervisor. So enjoy the rest of your life in NZ!

KateW
May 22nd, 2007, 09:51
Good job Tiv, that was a tough decision but it sounds like you made the right one.

Good luck, and I hope you and your Thingo have lots of bedroom fun to make up for the months without! ^^

Hannah
May 22nd, 2007, 10:28
Tiv, Will you get your return flight paid for? They may spring that on you if they are meanies.

Tiv
May 22nd, 2007, 17:05
Yea... Mayb they will pretend that they have no idea whether they are still obligated to get me a flight back home but... I have already checked with my PA. He said because I'm not breaking any rules within the first contract, if I finish at the end of July then they still have to get me my flight.
If they don't, I will just ring my PA up and let the both of them have a good talk!!!!!!!!!! :twisted:

Ini
May 23rd, 2007, 11:57
neither do I........ Bunch of drama queens just like making mountains out of molehills